Clay the porn star

"Hi, Clay!"
"Hi... uh wait, how do you know me?"
"I lived on Julia's floor."
"Oh yeah."
"So me and Julia were watching a randy porn movie last night, and it reminded us of you."
"I couldn't have heard that right. Did you say porn movie?"
"NO! Foreign movie! Foreign!"
Dang, I thought I was hot stuff there for a second

----
"The first rule of levity is that nothing is sacred."
--The book of Clay

I despise the olympics

The Olympics are a sham. What is supposed to be a sporting event that celebrates the diversity of human achievement is a dull series of events bogged down in political quagmire. A few reasons I feel this way...

1)Take for instance this years event where an Iranian refused to compete against an Israeli because that would acknowledge the existence of Israel.

2)Or how about the myriad of drug scandals?

3)Or the bribe scandals like in Salt Lake City where bribes happened to get the games going. And then people got in a fuss because they may not be able to get alcohol easily. The horror! And did you know Mormons have horns sprouting from their heads. Ooh, and don't forget the bonus points for claiming that the population was only slightly Mormon (thank god!), as one magazine, from the city, I read purported.

4)Politics. Need I say more?

5) Artist got kicked out for being pros, but hey, the dream team is alright!

6)The richest country wins

7)McDonald's went to the Olympics. What athlete eats McDonald's?

8)Sponsors

9)Endorsements

10)Money

11)Humans won't be competing for much longer

12)Stupid sports, like curling.

13)It was more exciting in the old days when they were naked. Ever tried to do the hurdles naked? Takes it to a whole no level of danger.

14)Women don't even get to do some of the sports

15)Rulon Gardner's got milk adds

the savor of life

Today I was in a good mood. Had lots of energy and brilliant ideas, food even tasted better. I have no idea why, it's certainly not my diet, but maybe exercise can have these effects? I've been doing lots of that.

sometimes I'm dumb

I realized I had no idea who was in charge of China. I guess it's this guy, or maybe to a lesser degree(?) this guy. How come we never hear about these people in the news? How come I have no idea what China is currently doing? Where are the information sources?

And here I thought it had something to do with mushrooms

fungible \FUHN-juh-buhl\, adjective:
1. (Law) Freely exchangeable for or replaceable by another of
like nature or kind in the satisfaction of an obligation.
2. Interchangeable.

dafynition out of the way
----
This article,from future pundit, makes me think about the movies Gatica and Bladerunner ("the flame that burns twice as strong lasts half as long". See the full article on the site:
Genetically Enhanced Athletes In 2008 Olympics?

Some athletes may already be experimenting with gene therapy to enhance their performance.

"I wouldn't be surprised if somebody (in sports) is trying it as we speak," University of Western Ontario genetics expert Dr. Shiva Singh said. "If you can do it for a diseased muscle, why can't you do it for a normal muscle?"

Many of the therapies developed for muscular dystrophy, muscle injuries, aged muscles, and other muscle disorders will be easily adapted to enhance performance well beyond the natural level of performance. So banning the development of genetic enhancement therapies is not feasible.

Anne McIlroy of the Globe and Mail has an excellent overview of the developments that that are leading toward the genetic enhancement of athletic performance. She reports that genetically enhanced athlets may show up at the 2008 Summer Olympics to compete.

Many experts believe that the first genetically modified athletes could be competing at next Summer Olympics.

"I would think the Beijing Olympics may be the time to pick it up on a widespread basis," says Geoffrey Goldspink, an expert in muscle regeneration at the University College Medical School in London. He is already working on a test to detect genetic cheaters for the U.S. anti-doping agency.

...

In 1964, Finnish cross-country skier Eero Mantyranta was suspected of blood doping after winning two gold medals because he had so many red blood cells in his system. Three decades later, he was cleared when researchers found that he and many of his family members have a genetic mutation that increases their red-blood-cell count by 20 per cent.

The back is the sexiest part of the woman. It tells you everything about her. It is the center of her strength
 

Art meets cryptography

Kryptos. Feel like solving a big puzzle?

My list

Everyone's doing it, so I took ten minutes to write the top fifty things to do before I die, in no particular order (mostly).

Robert Anton Wilson feels that half the problems in this world arise when people try to make a mark that will allow them to be effectively immortal by being remembered by others. Guess I'm a problem starter.

There is a lot of overlap in these.

1. Write the great American novel
2. Have a nationally published comic series that wins acclaim in the mainstream literary community
3. Create a character that becomes a household name
4. Help establish a utopia, maybe on mars
4. Become ruler of the world, possibly through the Ted Turner route
5. Get married, preferably to a girl who's language I can't speak, so we discover each other without all that superfluous language junk.
√6. Write a story in the cthulhu mythos.
7. Become fluent in Japanese, then 39 other languages as I'm told humans are capable of learning that many.
8. Have one child of my own, then adopt two more from third-world countries
9. Have an art gallery in New York show my work
10. Teach a child that will become the next great artist
11. Resurrect art, as it is dead
12. Create a world wide phenomenon of a movie that will replace star wars in terms of nerdy fanboy adherents
13. Create a theosophical movement that will facilitate dialogue between faiths, creeds and even nations
√14. Never get fat
15. Be called the Charles Atlas of artists/novelists/comicers like Boris Vallejo.
16. Make a comic series that is so successful, that I can have the Japanese make it into an anime.
17. Learn how to play the guitar in such a way as to impress people around the campfire.
18. Learn how to play three songs on the piano in such a way as to impress people at a five star restaurant.
19. Travel back in time and challenge Bruce Lee to a fight.
20. Adhere to the 4 agreements.
21. Learn to control my anxious nature.
22. Find the balance between being mysterious and being aloof
23. When aliens arrive, I will be the person that gets to greet them in the name of Earth
24. Fight zombies with akimbo barettas
25. Have Jonny Dep lean over to me at a party and say, "Okay, Clay. How do you do it?"
26. Star in a major motion picture that doesn't suck.
27. Learn how to constructively assert myself when I have problems with people.
28. Design and buy a zombie-proof house located in Scotland. Said house will have a very large library.
29. Backpack across... everywhere. This will facilitate goals number 7 and 5.
30. Have an opportunity to have my enemies bow before me, then pass it up. Actually, I'd prefer to not have enemies.
31. Have someone say, upon my leaving, "Aren't you at least gonna kiss her?" Then I will look at the girl and say, "nah."
32. Always get catcalls when I'm wearing my swim trunks.
33. Learn how to wield a katana without being a nerd about it.
√34. Talk with strangers like I did during my first year in college.
35. Inspire someone.
36. Impart wisdom.
37. Never stop learning.
38. Expand my vocabulary to incredible proportions.
39. Sell some modern art to a sucker.
40. Achieve a state of zen in which I can ignore my own suffering given any situation.
41. Create a movie called sober master, in which I fight Jackie Chan at an A.A. meeting.
42. Gain a long-overdue nickname.
43. Watch a caribou wander through the ruins of new York.
44. Do my part to help alternative energy take hold, or at least have a hand in anti-matter's successful harvest and isolation.
45. Create the grand unifying theory in the middle working on a crossword puzzle, almost as an afterthought.
√46. Finish this list.
47. Get frozen in carbonite and reanimated in an age when humans have evolved into forms of pure energy.
48. Find satisfaction, and hand a little to Mick Jagger.
49. Stare a guy down in a bar.
50. Add at least ten words to the English dictionary of my own design.

fifty is not enough, I have so much more to do

rains

There Will Come Soft Rains

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

-- Sara Teasdale

guess that song part 10

this guess that song is different. You won't be able to google for the answer. So, what song is depicted above, with it's modern lyrics transformed into an old english equivilent? You'll have to click the image to read the text.
--
Turns out that an hour on an exersize bike will make you very tired and abundantly sleepy. I'm proud of myself for going back to the gym though; I felt rather flabby when hottubbing happened this weekend, and resolved to do something about it.

Political satire can be fun part 2

image I found. Click to enlarge

conversations

The following is a snippet of a conversation about my eerie ability to sneak up on people without being noticed. I always scare the crap out of people, thought I don't employ this supernatural power on purpose.

me:"I think I must be part ghost."
Brit:"maybe part vampire?"
me:"yeah, let's go with that, it sounds more romantic."
--

This conversation was sparked after I spent some time in a coffee shop. Just guess what the agenda there was.


Jeremy:"you're not supposed to talk about sex, politics, or religion at the dinner table."
me:"Yeah, and everyone does it. It's annoying in the extreme."
Jeremy:"So I wonder what Jesus talked about at dinner."
me:"The weather."

blessed are the low pressure fronts, for they bring the balmy climate.

guess that song part 9

It's baaaaaaaaaack...

Well, I don't know what it means
But I can't seem to make myself forget
Was it something that you said
Was it all the guilt inside my head

Why are you haunting me?

wow

I ran across this fan comic today. I'm usually against fanficks, but this one is so well done, and beautifully turns American cartoons into shojo cliches, that I couldn't help but be impressed. And I'm not the biggest proponent of copyright law, so I see little problem there . How can anyone own an idea? I think the concept is a byproduct of our capitalist society*. It's a subject worth debate. Anyways, there are cameos by the entire cartoon network cast, from courage the cowardly dog, Dexter and samurai jack to billy and Mandy.
I think R would be pleased; lord knows she watches the cartoon network enough. She has one other TV vice that I know of: I was a food-elf† the other night, and I heard x-files coming out her window.

Quote of the day: Democracy is too important an institution to trust the public with it.

*Not that I consider capitalism bad.
†Food-elfs bring food when people aren't looking, because they are good natured and yet mischievous.

Rang

I joined the cult of blog to throw boomerangs tonight. I was declared a natural, and caught on my third throw. Mandy got mad, but I swear it was a fluke.

In other news, I burned myself three times at work today. I think it's time to move on. And my oozing sores couldn't agree more. And don't believe the urban legend; pickles do nothing to stop the pain! NOTHING!

And that's why...

Because I love you,
I cannot be with you;
I can only make you less perfect.

Rain, rain on my face...

I pass by the girl that I don't know and yet have a crush on. She's smiling as usual, which is why I fell for her in the first place.
I pause by a reflective surface to observe the beauty of my own eyes and their long eyelashes.
Rain drops hit my face, I willingly invite them to share my space.
A breeze joins in and brings its good buddy the leaves.
The trees sway to a song only I can hear.
My own universe, self contained, within this world.

sui generis

Cryptology

Crypto-mysteries abound. Is this meant for me? Am I to learn from this? I need a cypher of some sort to guess. Is this a message of hope for me? Does joy live here? The answers are not as salient as I'd like.

Growing pains

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.


I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare.
--the immortal bard