he single-handedly carved a swath of freedom

The following is a transcript of what I wrote for our FHE (a church thing) group's pres. day script. We performed the skit with much gusto and paper guns and fake wiggery (the hair, not ye olde political party), and I was the narrator/drum boy killer.

Dateline: six million B.C. Astronaughts make the perfect killing machine: George Washington. His first mission was to destroy the great cherry tree of Chicago, which up to this point had been demanding virgin sacrifices of the populace.
The battle lasted fourty days and fourty nights, and there were several farm animals killed, including an adorable talking pig, but, in the end, Washington was victorious. He was then known to utter the famous words, "Where's the beef?" Well, he may have said something else, but that's what most reputable historians think.
Then he beat up Abraham Lincoln, cause Lincoln sucks.
Shortly afterwards, George Washington decided to celebrate his invention of Delaware by having the revolutionary war. Using his great lasergun, he single-handedly carved a swath of freedom through new England, thus establishing the United States of America.
And that's Exactly how it happened.

You were expecting something brilliant maybe?

I got in a fight with the flu, and the flu won.
I'm still dizzy, but teaching.
I got in a fight with a barber, and the barber won.
My head is cold, but I still show it in public.
I lose fights to the world every day.
And I still fulfill my obligations as best I can.

I was a teen-age ax murderer! (unoffical, yet hilarious, Valentines day post)

Wouldn't "I was a teen-age ax murderer!" make a cool movie title?
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So what's more embarrassing than going on an impromptu date (she asked me to the coffee shop and we had Mexican hot chocolates), and seeing half your students hanging out there? How about finding out that she has a boyfriend which she has failed to mention up to this point.
"Mystery solved, dear Watson! Dating does suck indeed!" says the man in the tweed jacket sitting on the corner of the room. "Eh? Eh? Who's with me here?" Then he starts to mutter about the imbeciles that are churned out of this yank country's schools as he takes up his Stradivarius violin and plays a complicated tune with a rapid syncopation.

I have another date with a different girl this Thursday. What can I say? I'm popular. And stupid.
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The kids took a pic of me and photoshoped me into Jesus. Bout time I got some respect around here. Ooh, head rush from all the megalomania. Gotta pace myself when I go on a power trip like that.

We the committee, gonna tear it down

I wanted to show girl with a pearl earring in class, but the principal saw that it is PG-13 and said no.
In any case, I highly recommend this film. It and Frida are right up there as the best art movies ever.
Now Frida I could never get away with showing in class.

Amphora of Evil

Wouldn't Amphora of Evil make a great title to a pulp fiction detective story?
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Was Clay really stood up? I was informed by the party in question that she simply forgot. Now the true mystery: How can someone seem so intensly interested in someone else, and forget a date? I guess I got what I wished for.
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As I write this in the computer lab, I'm listening to the rhetoric of a teacher instructing his students on homosexuality, conservative style. It grates on my nerves to hear a teacher using religion in the classroom like he is doing. "Religion says it's wrong, and the other side has no legs to stand on. Who can argue with God?"

The people around here often say, "that's gay," to denote something negative. I, coming from a University where someone had to die* before we wisened up to how hurtful our attitudes were, am shocked every time I hear it.
I've said it many a time; I dislike both conservatives and liberals, and anyone else that has blinders on. The blind leading the blind, or in this case, impressionable high school students.

*: Mathew Sheppard.

New game, shout outs of love

Alright, Deek gave me some good advice on my dating quandry. What a guy.
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As to the title of this post, we have a new game. Play from the convienience ofyour own home.
Here's the gist of it, tell me, in the comments, any song you can think of that would be most ironic to get stuck in your head. For instance, the new Nelly, Tim McGraw song Over And Over would be one example. Why? Cause its all in my head I think about it over and over again.
Limit one answer per person, I will judge who is the winner (they will be awarded the usual fake prizes).