Japanese Girlfriend

Note to archive scroungers: Way old post before I ever came to Japan, but I still think it's a good parody. And now I wonder who this model is and where I found her...

So I was talking to my Japanese girlfriend that other day, and the fact that she doesn't really exist came up, and there was this awkward silence.
And after a while I said, "But it's cool, ya know?"
"Soo desu ka?" she replied.
"Yeah. I mean, we never have to fight. And I never have to buy you stuff and-- what?"
"Pathetiku desu nee," she demurely interjected.
"Well yeah. But it's not like anybody knows I have an imaginary Japanese girlfriend."
"Anta wa baka."
Now I felt more than a little upset. "Hey, don't judge me!" I yelled.
"Baka!"

So I had to break up with my imaginary Japanese girlfriend.

You know your small, obscure religion has become too popular when... (part 2)

Well, I saw it today, Baha'i was mentioned as one of the "sects" that assamite vampires could belong to. What would a Baha'i from the middle east think of being a vampire?

I led a vampire session here in our small town about a week ago. It went pretty well, but things got frustrating when players rolled low despite having lots of dice. Maybe we'll have to abandon dice, or maybe we can switch to Mind's Eye theater rules. I'm not sure how those work though.

Guess that song, part II

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here, in my arms

Words are very
unnecessary
They can only do harm

Guess that song

You shut your mouth,
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?

I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

Eldritch Dark (3 writers)

Niel Gaiman wrote a sherlock holmes story set a the world of Lovecraftian Horror, found here. Not the first Lovecraftian tale I've seen from Gaiman.

For an interesting look at the cthulhu mythos, see the work of Clark Ashton Smith. Here's a story from that page.

We need more cthulhu in our lives.

Shampoo

I got a haircut at R's today, and decided to wash my hair using her shampoo before we got started. Now my hair smells like her as a result. It's driving me mad in a perfectly brilliant way.

Computer poetry

do androids dream of electric sheep? 
Using definitions of poetry such as " The essence or characteristic quality of a poem." or "A quality that suggests poetry, as in grace, beauty, or harmony: the poetry of the dancer's movements," it is easy to see poetry everywhere. Night is especially good for seeing the poetry of nature apparent in our world.

I discovered a poetic moment in the unlikeliest of places: Halo. Halo is a video game for those of you not in the know. There is one part of the game where you can fly up high and listen to a secret track of music that the programmers threw in ala Easter egg. It is a lilting piano song; kinda melancholy. From that spot, you can listen to the music and watch the artificial snow fall. It's poetry, disguised as a video game.

On Death and Dying

Kit's comment on the last post got me thinking about my preferred way to die.

Now, I'm special. I know it. Normal conversation skills elude me, even though I'm paradoxically quite good with words. Want proof?

You are a MASTER of the English language!


While your English is not exactly perfect,
you are still more grammatically correct than
just about every American. Still, there is
always room for improvement...


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

There you have it. Anyways, back to the blog. So conversation is awkward for me, and I've been collecting questions that I can use to start monologues from the other person, so I can just sit back and be quiet for a few minutes.
One of the best questions for this sort of thing is "How do you hope you die?"

As for me, I want to die as a wizened and ruggedly handsome zombie hunter. I will turn to the young couple on that fateful day and say, "Go! Lock the door behind you!"
"But what about you?!" they will say.
I will look at the approaching zombie mob wistfully. "Someone's gotta hold them off. Now go!" as the zombies draw near, I will expertly take out several of them with akimbo handguns. But I will run out of ammo and be left with only a stick of dynamite. "alright, you sumbitches!" I will yell. "Come get me!"

So, how do you want to die? Feel free to tell the world in the comments

boom, crash.

Nothing helps one's cool demeanor quite like driving in the rain while listening to thunderous classical music.

The infamous thunderstorms of Laramie have started, and I parked my car and watched the lighting light up the skies. The thunder was magnificent. You feel like the whole world is shaking.


I've met a new and interesting girl. I want to get to know her more. She threw something at my neck today and it hurt a lot. Guess that's what I get for being a dork.


I feel akin to a skipping stone; I've bounced three or four times. How long will I glide before I ultimately sink into the cool darkness?

Blessed are the forgetful

Went to Denver and hung out with Ben for the weekend. Ben almost killed us with his driving many times; makes me feel like I've rubbed off on him.
We saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, it reminded me of my decision that I made to accept the bad stuff in my life and experiences.
Left arm's all tan from traveling via car.
Ben's a good friend, I hope I don't remind him of his own painful past too often.

A memory of beautiful awkwardness

It's chilly, and naturally so. My muscles are getting used to the stride, my ankles are starting to protest less. Slowly, ice skating has become natural to me again; the recesses of my brain stem are starting to cryptically give clues to my muscles on how to do this.

I'm happy, probably because of endorphins. And there she is. I talk with her about some esoteric subject that we will keep between us forever. As we talk, we realize with some surprise that we are holding hands and skating together.

Then, like a scene from a Disney movie, we abruptly let go of each other in embarrassment and pride. The moment is lost, shattered like so much ice.

Set in their ways

I've come to realize that I utterly know a person, and this is a sad thing in my opinion. Well you truly know a person, they become slightly boring to you, even to the point of their personality being grating like a pebble in the proverbial clam shell; you may develop a pearl around the stagnant personality in question, and it can look good for a while, but ultimately it is just a rock.
Convoluted metaphor? Yeah I know.
I desire dynamic character in my friends and associates. The world becomes boring if I know what the person is going to say next. In many ways, interactions become pointless. You develop nihilistic feelings towards someone you once may have admired.
But worse than that, you wonder if you may be the same way. Who truly knows themselves enough to determine if they're boring? I constantly watch for and worry about the signs in my own actions and thoughts. I'd like to think that I am dynamic, ever-changing, ever-progressing. I took as a good thing when R told me that she doesn't understand me.
And then I worry about the whole of humanity. Are we just accepting the mundane? Do we just idly sit by waiting for the next technology that will make our lives easier? Is our entertainment inadvertently distracting us from our own growth?
I hope not, but I don't know. In any case, I think I'm gonna go play Halo for the bajillionth time.

The second amendment and the paranormal

I must voice my concern on the importance of the second amendment. Yes, I do think one of the important reasons we have it is so that the citizens can overthrow the government in the eventuality it becomes corrupt via the movie Equilibrium, but my next reason is more out there--and if you have not yet had cause to question my sanity, you will soon.

We need guns to protect us from the zombies.

Yes, zombies. There are no known zombies yet, but I think between environmental waste, nuclear weapons, exotic and man-made diseases, and supernatural forces which may or may not exist such as Armageddon, we're due for zombies in our lifetime. What's the best way to ensure that a zombie doesn't get to you? Well first off have a good four-wheel drive truck with a deer guard, and second, have a shotgun handy.
With most zombie varieties, you need to shoot the brain or the spinal chord to render them harmless, and no melee weapon short of a katana is going to achieve that. I hear salt stops zombies of the voodoo variety when thrown in their mouths, so keep that handy too.

So clearly we need the second amendment. Oh sure, you may laugh at me now, but you'll be wishing you had a gun when the zombies burst through your door.

On a related note, I've been playing typing of the dead a lot recently (a mod of house of the dead two that helps your typing skills). Now if you happen to have a keyboard handy that kills the undead, by all means feel free to use that instead.