Street play

I'll probably make a vid about it later, but I got to say that the street play I just saw was wild fun. The crowd was mostly homeless folks from around the hostel, and they were quite raucous. Especially Mr. Argue. I have seen Mr. Argue arguing with the air. So he argued with the play today. I have thought of jumping in when he is arguing with the air. You know, back him up against his invisible assailant. But what if the invisible assailant makes a really good point and makes me look bad in front of Mr. Argue?

Almost over

On new year's day I go back. And recover as much as possible.
I just saw this, and was thinking, wow I'm not the only one?
Did the Akihabara thing today. It kinda sucked. Den Den Town in Osaka has much cheaper merchandise, and is not nearly as sleazy. Tried to go to a maid cafe, but the line was too long. Saw a foreigner maid though, that was interesting; she had Japanese maid hair, if that makes sense.

Things would be easier if I had buddies around. The other people at the hostel are mostly quiet Asians that travel in groups and don't really need to talk with others, but I got to talking with a girl from Hong Kong. She was interesting; wish I had more time to ask about her city.

Oh, and totally flubbed a chance for a date in the big city before I leave. A girl gave me directions (without me asking, she just saw me looking at a map), and asked "Are you traveling alone?" among other things. That is sooo code for do you have a girlfriend? is it not? But I didn't notice and said goodbye once we got to the place I was going. Blarg. A date could have cheered me up too. And don't give me that crap about she was just being nice. A guy has to dream when in the city.

My buttocks

My butt feels like raw hamburger. Which seems appropriate, because I understand the butt is where hamburger meat comes from.
--
I spent all day angry. Someone owes me an apology, or at the very least, "that was a really not cool thing to do." But I won't be getting that apology, so I'll just sit on my raw booty and fume a bit.
--
Don't worry. Despite grumbles, I'm having a fabulous time. But not gay fabulous. Well some of the girls in the clubs could be gu... never mind.

Where did it go?

Hanging out at clubs makes me realize one thing: soon I will be too old to hang out at clubs. If I was Japanese, I would have a future of drinking with people from work for entertainment. Shudder.
Kind of a depressing night, can you tell? I think I am just tired.

Also, Californians are a little weird. Just throwing that out there. They're nice though.

It doth behooveth me to bloggeth

Do not know where that title is going.

My feet are sore! Lots of walking. Yesterday Asakasa, and today Ueno Koen. Traveling is not too hard; Tokyo station names are so indelably mixed with pop culture that I recognize all the station names, and thanks to 2kyu, I can match kanji with pronunciations. Digital camera is turning out to be an excellent map-holder.
Don't know what tonight will hold in store, hopefully I can meet with a certain blogger.

Tokyo day one

So, I gotta admit, I'm not entirely sure why I decided to come here, and for so long. I guess I had to do with making it worth my money and seeing a friend. Also, people look at you strange if you don't have Tokyo cred. But I would have been just as happy exploring Kyushu. Because all of Japan is basically the same. But Tokyo does have a little something...
I am hosteling up in the dodgy end of town. Literally droves of homeless people here; quite the change from the rest of Japan in that regard; they are usually not seen (just their tents around Osaka-jo and such), but they were numerous and I dare say have a community.
So they say no good deed goes unpunished. I watched a really drunk girl wobbling about. Then slowly she melted into a prone position. I kinda shook her--no one else seemed concerned-- and asked if she wanted a cab. She didn't respond at all. So I asked where the cops where and went to their box, all the while keeping that grim saying in my mind. And wouldn't you know it, that cop woke her up (just let her walk away), but took my name and phone number. Why? I don't think they are gonna send me a good Samaritan award.

PS, they choose some intimidating foreigners to get people to go to clubs. Does that really work?

Chrimmas Cheer for Crissy

Lifecards (of the 恋愛傾向 sort)

"Which card will you use? That is the question."
Perhaps you have seen those Japanese commericals where the guy has to choose which life card to play.
This site gives you cards based on your name. And the life involved is a little different; if you speak Japanese, you are laughing at me right now.




The cards are: 9 thighs (or neither regions?!), 9 thighs, homosexuality, or 4 thighs. No matter what name I put in, it seemed to give cruel results.
orz. But if someone could describe better what it means to have 9 thighs, in as little lurid detail as possible, I'd appreciate it.

2nd best Christmas cartoon ever

Google translation is not so good for this page

Wow. I noticed a translation of my page via a hit to a video of mine. You can see it here.
Let me just say, it is a really bad translation. To whoever is reading this, I want to warn you that my message is not properly conveyed by google's tranlation services (but if I warn you and you translate the warning, how will you ever know? Conundrum). Though they are good for a laugh. Oh, and when it translated the post that already had Japanese: priceless!

If only there were some kind of reverse rikaichan plugin for my Japanese readers... pity.

Two winters of pointless suffering

Let me just say that I am very happy with the military-grade long-johns that arrived yesterday. Sooooo much warmer.
My feet got wet today and I had to do the year end comments in the gym barefoot. My speech was simple and short, and I got to make fun of the second years, so that was all good. The teachers realized I speak Japanese again because of that; it should wear off in about a week and then it's back to normal.

Happy? Yes.

First salvo is shot!

Oh, but my youtewbians gave me a great lead for about 9 hours. Now Fugu is tied with me! Drama!

What's up with that tongue clicking? Do I always do that?!

It's an honor to be nominated... by myself

Okay, I have stiff competition, but that's alright cause the point of these things is to expose us to the gems of the internet. So if you think I deserve it, vote for (or against) my youtube vids at the first annual Japan Bloggers Awards.

Also, I nominated Deas for his tireless dedication to translating lolcats to Japanese.

豚骨ピストンズ

Listen, I hate myspace, but I do keep track of certain Japanese musicians through it.
Anyways, the 豚骨ピストンズ are a really good band. Very much in the same vein as the HIGH LOWS. I'mma recommend you go here to see their video. Which btw goes double for Colin, who always orders nama beer for toriaezu.

Um, it's cold.

I will never understand the Japanese obsession with opening windows.
That is all.

Bob's yer uncle.

Another announcement script served up for fellow teachers to get ideas.
やぁみな。元気かい。
きょうの言葉はＵｎｃｌｅだ。
じゃあ、きょうの表現はBob’s your uncleだ。
イングリッシュの表現だ。アメリカで使ったら、
人に笑われるはずだ。
文字通りに意味はボブはあんたのおじさんだ。
表現としての意味は「～が楽だよね」。
よく、表現の直前にand という言葉が来る。

例文！(trying Japanese first today)
A: Will it work?
それ、できるかな。
B: If you do it like this, Bob’s your uncle.
こうしたら、大丈夫だよ。

A: Can we make a pizza?
ピザ作れるかな。
B: Sure! Just use some salt and cheese, and Bob’s your uncle.
ええ。ただ、塩とチーズを使うと作りやすい。

A: How do I get there?
どうやってあそこに行く？
B: Walk down the street, turn at the third light, and Bob’s your uncle.
通りを下って、三つ目の信号で曲がれば、すぐ分かるはずだ。

My Japan Musical!

タコス

Sleep does not come when I eat. But I made the mistake of eating tacos late. And when I eat tacos, I can't stop. I ate literally 12 tacos over the course of the night. Cause I couldn't sleep. Due to the tacos. Which I kept eating. Cause of the no sleep to stop me thing. Are you seeing the pattern?

So that didn't help too much when I had to give my presentation to 50 old people today. I talked about my home state of Wyoming, and somehow managed to make it look interesting (thanks, Yellowstone!). My bosses wanted me to speak Tara-ben the whole time, but it is hard enough to remember to use keigo, which we previously established I don't use. Cause of tacos--No! But yeah, lots of doubly finished sentences today, like, "雪がよくふるっ--ふります！”So local dialect was right out. I'm not sure how to mix it with keigo anyhow; there is a Saga-ben equivalent to the masu-form, but I've never heard it out loud.
--
In my insomnia I turned to a pirated online version of the Space Farmer. Despite it's crappyness, not even this brought me sleep. I laughed during his first failed launch though. Not so much when he decided to risk everyone's lives by doing it again. And where did the money come from?! Bad movie.

Oh! ひたけ (not the real title but...)

Click to see this pic at full resolution

nipponogrammaphiles, please note

I'm just gonna try adding new terms on top of the old ones; means less searching around my blog for those of you that are interested. Also, I may edit the older ones (see をもって, where I obviously lost my page last time and looked at another).
Also, it is available via googledocks here. You may be able to subscribe to the changes.

Conflict resolution

I stopped fighting around my junior high years. More than anything, I think it was because deep down I found it silly to settle things that way.
But I almost got in a fight last night. I was coming out of karaoke with a couple of Japanese girls that I am just getting to know when I saw three people. Touching my car. And what the-- bending my antenna?
I threw out a fairly tough "ホイ！何をしているんだ！" (elementary kids give one a lot of opportunity to say this when they start poking digits where digits don't belong). The culprit was a typical ヤンキー, with long blond matted hair and a beer mug (not can) in his hand. He dumbly looked at me, an angry foreigner out of nowhere twice his size. I pushed him firmly but fairly unconfrontationally and said, "Go away."
"ゴアワイ？" he replied.
I said "行け", but he kept up the dumb act. After a few rounds of me telling him to leave, I said, "曲がったやろう？ and pointed at my antennae. At this point his friend jumped in and apologized as he bent it back into place.
After he did that I had decided this is not something I wanted to fight over, so I opened the passenger side for the ladies. The repentant friend said,"Ladies first かっこいよ！ ごめんね！"
I mumbled a gruff もう大丈夫," and got in.
The guy that I was truly angry at played dumb to the end. As I got in, he was saying "ゴアワイ？ゴアワイ？"
But the interesting thing to me is my adrenaline never really rushed during or after the whole thing, though I was prepared for that beer mug to come at me any time. I apologized to the girls, but they didn't seem fazed. Overall, an interesting three-someish impromptu date.
--
In other fights, I recently had a heated discussion with a teacher about my lack of keigo. I realized afterwards that really, deep down, she seems to hate me. So I wrote a "lets be friends" type letter and left it in her shoe-box. She won't even look at me today. Maybe she feels guilty. Maybe she is infuriated by letters, but hey, I am shy. And we've established I don't use keigo when speaking.

My studies continue (cause I can't quit you, babe)

JLPT 1 grammar (don't study the wrong level!) It's all in my own words (and sometimes Japanese words, when it made sense) and it is available via Google Docks here. You may be able to subscribe to the changes (I think it is complete now).

Life after the big test

Well. It's like I had been in a pretty intense relationship for the past three months. I felt like I was working hard to make it work. But in the end I got a cold slap in the face and had to watch the JLPT walk off with some Chinese* transfer student cause he has the smarts to make a future.
I was actually kinda depressed in the aftermath that is Monday-back-to-the-real-world-work. I studied a little, but it just wasn't the same. It was a hollow lie. The language didn't love me and never would.
But I perked up a bit when I realized I had gone through another sub-piphany. You may recall that is my term for when I realize I suddenly know a bunch of new words and can hear them all around me. I may not be able to find gainful employment with my language skills, but at least I now understand the office gossip--which is about me-- all that much more.

So what I'm saying is, even knowing how things turned out, JLPT, baby, I don't regret a minute of our time together.
--
*that seems a really random thing if you weren't at the test. Basically, there were way more Asians than other varieties of foreigners there; most of them seemed to be high school exchange students.

This is no surprise

Ganbatte！

Ganbatte！　An English announcement script.

みんなさんＨｅｌｌｏ、先週に僕は日本語能力試験を受験した。

一生懸命勉強した。まあ、合格の可能性が低いし、毎日僕がいろいろな間違いをしちゃうしけど、日本語として、最後まで頑張りたい。

君たちも英語やすべてに頑張ってほしいよ。　そのため僕の粗末な言語の始まりのものがたりを伝えたいと思う。もし、きいたら、君たちがインスピレーションがわいてくる気がするかな。

そもそも僕は何となく大学に行く前は言語授業がなかった。面白半分で日本語をえらんだ。簡単だろうと思った。なのに、最初のレッスンは僕にとって、ものすごくむずかしかった。内容は二つの句だった：「できました？」と「はい。できました。」そんな短くくせに僕は覚えられなかった。

結局、僕はその会話のビデオを何回も観た。たぶん、４０回ぐらいごろにやっと覚えられるようになった。その厳しいことのあと日本語が簡単になった。あいにく都合のせいでその期間のあと、長い間日本語を勉強ことがあきらめなければならなかった。そして能力回復のはまだ続いているんだ。だから僕の推薦は君たちもあきらめないで。そのうえ、最初から一生懸命したらものごとが楽になるはずだ。

ためしてみよう。

(yeah I know; this script is from the future! Oooooh.)

食中毒

犯人はこのやつだと思う。ウンチみたいな食べ物はやっぱりだめだ。




猫達が看病してくれた。

bread and butter (lesson script)

今日の表現はbread and butterだ
繰り返して
意味は生活の糧（かて）とか
自分の糧を得る方法

例文！
A: Do you play baseball?
野球をしますか。
B: Play it? It's my bread and butter!
するかい。それは俺の人生を支えているのものだ。

A: Is fishing popular in Tara?
太良町では、みんなが魚釣りをしているんだ？
B: Yes, you could say it's our bread and butter.
ええ、まるで我が命のように大切だ。

蟹味噌汁

video post

眠い

一週間ぐらい僕は眠かった。多分季節が変えるのせい。おそらく部屋がまるで大きなこたつのよう。
このビデオには、猫＝僕。そして犬＝同僚

Last Time I Checked

今日の言葉はchecked
繰り返して
checked の意味は点検した
今日の表現はLast time I checked...
繰り返して
文字通りの意味は前回チェックしたときは
表現としての意味は
当たり前じゃんとかもちろんさ。
その後、動詞の過去形くることが多い。
ところで調子によって、皮肉なことも多い。

例文！

A:Are you American?
アメリカ人ですか。
B:Last time I checked I was.
ええそうだよ。

A:Can you speak Spanish?
スペイン語話せますか？
B:Last time I checked I could.
もちろん話せますよ。

A:Didn't she dump you?
彼女をお前にふられたでしょう。
B:Yeah, last time I checked I was indeed dumped, thanks to your meddling.
ええ。そうだったよ。あんたのおせっかいのおかげで。

A successful announcement lesson

(I never had anybody check the Japanese in this script; if you see a mistake let me know.)
英語表現を使うぜSHOW!

きょうの言葉はwayだ
繰り返して…
じゃきょうの表現はNo way!
繰り返して
意味はいろいろが含めての意味は：
決して～ないとか嘘だ！とか
やだとか絶対だめ！とか仕方がない
じゃいくつかの例文で行くぜ！
A: Billy, take out the garbage.
A:ビリ君、塵を捨てて。
B: No way! I’m playing video games!
B:やだ！テレビゲームしているんだぞ！

A:　Won’t you date me?
A:　デートをしてくれませんか
B:　No way!
B:　きもい！

A: Are you going to fail?
A:　失敗するかい
B:　No way! I’ll definitely win!
B:　絶対そのことないよ。僕の勝ちだ。
----
Unrelated: I like this picture.
--
Also, I am going to try to hook my ipod up to the school announcements and play some golden eggs.

良猫無猫

Video post.

A couple weeks back

A couple weeks back I asked the school nurse, "Don't you think my throat looks odd?"
"Not particularly."

Said throat (view discretion advised).

EDIT: Mum says thrush. Maybe I should give up school lunches... or at least the rice.

2 1 1

Two kinds of pills.
One kind of liquid.
One bottle of iodine.

I have fungus. And bacteria. In my throat. Ironically, one of my medicines is penicillin (fungus) based.

Japanese drugstores have a funny routine when they give you your medicine. They go, "Oh, your throat is sore, isn't it?" "Yes? Well take these after meals." "Oh, and your chest has an interesting sensation, right?" etc.

Making you want to say, "Just gimme my medicine. And validate my parking."

Posting about add-ons and scripts again

Once again blogging about extentions. I do this for my own benefit too, cause I use many computers between schools and download extensions at all of them.

Extensions:
All-in-one gestures (disable all unused guestures) Right click and make a squiggle. I use it to close tabs.
greasemonkey You need it for the scripts in the scripts part of this article.
rikaichan (with names dictionary, press return to switch) The best tool on the net for reading any Japanese webpage. Or even mine sometimes.
submit to tab
Scribefire Useful when I post for wordpress blogs like Japanprobe
foxmarks Syncs my midget porn bookmarks wherever I go.
GButts All your google pages next to the URL bar or wherever.
Resurrect Pages Useful for dugg-to death pages.
tab history New tabs have the history of the page that spawned them.
tab mix plus Essential.
Context search Lets one search highlighted text with any search engine they have installed into the search bar.


Greasemonkey scripts:
google cache continue
Pagerization
wikipedia auto-login
google MP3 Puts a little play button next to MP3 links you can listen with.
Textarea backup Essential for not losing stuff you said or want to say again.

At long last

Most of the pixelated details got lost in the move to youtube, alas.

Another teaser

I hate animating; takes forever. And this hardly counts.

But here's another pic one to confuse you...

Halloween

Late to the site, but made on time at least.

Nothing sacred

So a kid drops his math triangles on the floor. I take them to the board and draw a small house shrine (or maybe it wasn't; I also drew a portrait of some man in a picture frame so I could have been drawing a funeral thing--we'll get to why it's bad that I don't really know) and some incense and a plate of mikans. Then I place the triangles there as if I am making an offering to my ancestors.

The kids thought it was hilarious.

When the teacher finally noticed, she thought it was sacrilegious. She sternly said, "We don't do that," and erased it. Then she turned to the class and said something quickly with the word "joke". I'm not sure if she was covering my actions or denouncing them.



So a couple of factors go into my surprise, and my やっぱり "I shoulda known" feelings about the matter.

Factors that made me think it was okay:
The Japanese aren't religious. They often seem pretty proud of how religious they aren't.
I was talking to the other teacher before class, and she joked about how if you don't honor your deceased grandma with a snack offering, she will turn into a vengeful ghost. So I had it in my head at the time that one can joke about that very thing.
There are many scenes in animes and comedies where I have seen people joking about funerals. Please see this video for what I am talking about with the funeral funnies.
The kids seemed to think it was funny.

Factors that should of let me know that things would suddenly take a turn for "I'm sorry I just insulted you and your entire culture":
The Japanese are religious, or at least ceremonial in a Confucian way. Even though many of them proclaim no religious beliefs, almost everyone still has those home shrines. All the festivals, save our Saga balloon festival, have religious overtones.
Funeral stuff is taboo. My students were shocked when we had a discussion in which I stated that sticking your chopsticks in your bowl and standing them that way is not rude. Shoulda foresaw that related stuff would be bad too.
That teacher takes everything I do seriously. For instance, I described a guy as a "the one that is a little chubby" when at a loss for a name, and she heard me across the room and was like, "What did you say?!"
A funeral is not the same as a home shrine. Once again, I am too culturally ignorant to know if I depicted a shrine as I intended, but in any case, I don't know some of the taboos going on, so while it may be okay for comedians on TV (afore-posted video link), there are rules to the comedy I might not get.
The children are aliens. No, seriously, any middle school teacher in Japan will tell you that. Ask them about the alien thing. What it boils down to is the children may have thought it was okay to laugh because they are not yet indoctrinated.
The Japanese are superstitious. Usually only in a "this will bring me good luck" way, but still.

So, yeah. Sorry bout that Japan.

Finally finished the book

Since I have a few guests, and a file of words that was laying forgotten and unpublished on my desktop, I though you guys might like to know that I have collected all the 2kyu grammar terms I translated (not a complete list of 2kyu grammar terms, but still a lot) and put them in one document here.

A teaser

Probably won't finish this project tonight; gotta study!

Ron Paul with Japanese subtitles

Yeah I like him, so now my Japanese readers (maybe one or two of you) can see why.

[via A Tract on the Perils of Going Native]

Doraemon comes to Saga-ken

Significant to me because I live in Saga and nobody from TV has visited Saga since. You can hear the kids speaking Saga-ben

Are you?

Higuma get up!

Via Brett,

How to study for the JLPT--some ideas

I am starting to feel like I can actually pass 2kyu! Here is how I think you could achieve it too (you can adjust/search around resources I will provide you with for other kyus).

1. Use Anki.
It's free. You can adjust the scheduling. Tip the guy if you pass, or just on principal. I have been covering around 300-500 words a day for the last week or so. I got through all the words, and am now concentrating on the sticklers.

2. Use online resources to populate your Anki deck(s). Some I have used include:
grammar and other grammar
I supplement this with a good book, cause these grammar sites be missing the nuances that make grammars corrects.
vocabulary
The nice thing I discovered about Renshuu.org is that the compact lists have tabs (spaces Anki can understand) built in. You can cut and paste these to a text document and then import it into Anki. I check words (to make sure I am not studying unnecessary words) against this online list, and tag cards I don't currently need with "suspend"
Me

3. Suppliment with Kakitory-kun.
Note: Kakitori-kun is not real study per say, but quite useful for remembering the differences between similar kanji. I skipped ahead to the sixth grade after finishing the 1st grade (I only do 熟語ドリル).

4. Test yourself to know your weak points.
All three aspects of the JLPT can be self-tested here. It helps you know how far along you are (my kanji is currently in passing range, the other aspects not so much, but I know I have time to bring them up).

5: Study for about 15 minutes at a time.
Fellow mac users, I recommend the timer feature of Alarm Clock 2 (freeware).
Then do some exercise between study sessions.
BTW, this program is really cool. It can get you up on time on test day to the itunes song of your choice.

6: Get out.
My head is swimming with Japanese right now. I need to see people, just like on the TV shows that are so popular these days.

7: Collapse your feedreader.
View your feedreader in collapsed (list) view to save time. Internets love to stealses our precious timeses!

8: Don't blog too much.
Especially don't waste your time making lists.

英語弁論大会のスピーチが間違いだらけだ

I hate speech contest season. Not just because I have to try (with inevitable failure) to improve kids' pronunciation ("Er. Er. Er. No, not 'ah'. Er!"), but because the speeches themselves are unnatural and filled with mistakes. We are teaching kids to memorize, by heart, incorrect English. I complain to the English teachers. They say, oh, we'll tell them. No one ever gets told. The speeches have been the same for three years, only they added in some new mistakes. I would say, "Let native speakers create the speeches," but lets face it, I cannot agree with other NESs during a simple eikaiwa about proper use. In fact, I think a NES I know was involved last year, because as I was complaining about the mistake-riddled MLK speech, he proclaimed, "There are NO mistakes in there!"
I say replace these artificial speeches with speeches people have actually given. Instead of talking about Martin Luther King Jr., give his "I have a dream" speech.

That Burma thing...

I made this on Friday night. It is a little late for the blog, but here you go; my take on people that take the effort... to report that they won't take effort.


Also, a Japanese photojournalist was killed, and Mutant Frog has a good assessment of the Japanese reaction.

And Steve, who worked right on the border (the place in Thailand where I volunteered) and so has a good perspective on things in that region, has a good post about things too.

It's under 9000!

Almost forgot to embed this one. But you would know that if you were subscribed.
BTW, are internet friends too lazy to leave a simple "happy birthday" comment these days? I don't even expect a real one... My shallow facebook profile got more messages. *grumble grumble*

Thank you for not rhyming Clay with gay

There was a while where I thought people in the English speaking world where horribly selfish and bad. But Colin and Cassie restored my faith in people without ever really knowing it. Thank you guys. One of the best presents since childhood, when I could get really excited about a Ghost Buster action figure.

Oh and thanks for the cookies, Zara!

More test stuff

Chinese pirates are awesome. They get all the best stuff online these days. Okay, maybe the questions from previous years' JLPT tests isn't outright piracy, but it is on a Chinese website. Yes, this is in my shared items right now; I hope people look at that thing.

Anyhoo, it helped me fine-tune my studying a bit. A while back, Alex introduced me to the program Anki, which has improved my vocabulary tons. Well, I am currently deleting the English (production) side of most of the cards; only grammar points have been deemed important enough to keep bilingual. Also, I am not worrying about simpler words; I don't even have to really comprehend what I am reading, but rather I have to know how to read my 2kyu kanji and the words they make (lower vocab won't be tested outright). Besides, at this point I can guess pretty accurately/already know about the lower vocabulary. Finally, I'm not so sure the lists at renshuu.org are complete, so I will be perusing my other resources.

If you are interested in taking the JLPT, get Anki and go look through my links on the far right column of this blog. Good luck to us all.

Anyone know where to buy a decent rang in Japan?

I miss ranging. I was fairly good at it the few times I tried, and these empty mountain parks are begging me to go to them. I consulted Linus, but then I realized that the sizes were much smaller than I thought.
For instance:

Looks good, but it's only 20 inches, and that is the biggest on the site.

罪と罰

Well, Sin and Punishment finally showed up on the wii shopping channel, so I bought it quickly. But I already finished it! I remember back in the day that game took me a month to get through; it was the most brain-reflex-intensive game, and still is, but I guess gaming brains like mine have moved on to bigger 3D world comprehension challenges. Still, it is cool as anything to fly around on a piece of concrete destroying an entire navy. Next I will try hard mode, if I can find it in those horrendously dim katakana menus. Other than those, things look a lot better than I remember.
In case you are wondering, I had the Japanese connection when I was in America, that's how I got to play this.



Reminds me, when I visited America, Benny had a NES and we played Mario bros. I was dying left and right; the controls just didn't feel natural.

Semicolon

I am really addicted to semicolons; they pop up everywhere in my writing. Sometimes I even substitute them for commas; and I've really got to watch that (parentheses are another thing I use a ton--this one was supposed to be about how semicolons don't go before "and").

I feel really bad for non-native English speakers who try to read the blog; this entry will probably do more harm than good.

WHY?

you know the drill; another English teacher putting his kid's writing up cause it's funny and cute. This kid expressed my feelings about summer quite well.

I won

Disclamer: there are lyrics in a song in the vid. I can't be held responsible for the swears in it, as I didn't make this video.

Remember the kanji tester

Back then (old post has a link to the test you can take too) I was in the 540 to 560 range. Now I am 790 to 830. Well, that means I only learned about 300 kanji since February. This is less than I expected, and I gotta step it up if I am gonna get to 2kyu level by December. On the plus side, I finally bested past Deas and Alex, so with the help of future Alex (he has a time machine), I could go into the past and gloat, but I am sure they are still ahead of me in the present.

If English had it's own "kanji"...

It might look something like this link. The next page shows how "It was a dark and stormy night" translates to symbols.

Cute girls always get their requests answered

I try--nay succed to make Vanawesome laugh

yes, I do take off clothes for money

Unwashed masses need not apply

Have you ever noticed that when you have cleaned and organized something--like your desk at work for instance-- you don't feel as productive as you thought you would and you start to procrastinate by, say, writing blog posts about nothing?

Disconnect

It is one of the sad things about life that in any human-to-human relationship you are in, chances are one of you is more invested than the other. And when you realize this imbalance, there is little happiness to be gained.

Did I sound hopeful last post?

Cause I am in total 絶望 right now! I took a look at renshuu.org and made a quick set of vocabulary lists for the JPLT. It will be a miracle if I can get the 2kyu vocab down in time, what with 38 lessons of 100 words. Have mercy...

the good news: tons of these are already in my anki list and have been studied. Many of the kanji and their nuances aren't new to me.

the plan: Make kanji-only cards for anki (no definition backwards card pairs) to facilitate fast assimilation.

It's hard to gage progress

I often get down, not realizing how much progress I have made in the language; it feels like the only way I am progressing is in reading skills. But yesterday, as I was filmed for a commercial for an English conversation class, I realized that it was ten times easier than last year. I only messed up my lines once. There is hope to learn this language.
Soon a little bird called kakitori-kun will arrive to help me in my new goal to take the 2kyu Japanese test in December. But 1kyu is looking improbable right now.

Chaste pillow-hat

Reminds me of a nun's habit.
See more of it here.

And there is a cat

Hunger surrounds the drop of goodness

What's on my mind, acourding to them. Check your name.

Star struck

Japanese hymns

Link. If you are interested in old Japanese at all, check it out.

Pumpkin pasta

What can I say, カボチャ is a very prominent plant here, and the only substitute I have for squash.

Recipie:
Half a japanese pumpkin, sliced thin
Okra
Green and red peppers
garlic
cayene
gram masala
tumeric

lemon juice
parmesan cheese

Short, twisty pasta or bowtie pasta

Process:
Cook the vegies on med-low heat, using oil.
Boil the pasta. I found a brand that cooks in two minutes.
Drain the pasta, stir it into the veggies with oil and spices
sprinkle in lemon juice
Enjoy. I find the sweetness of the pumpkin compliments the lemon.

Everything

We call it a

The children have heads crowned with leaves. I am told that they are gods. They look more of Greek or Roman than of Japanese deity ilk to me.

"The fire is sacred; a symbol of friendship and unity" says the eager college student.
"What do they call this kind of fire?" I ask.
"They call it... a campfire."
"Oh." I think back to earlier when a teacher laughed at me for saying that if I went camping with even a couple friends, we would have a fire. Campfire: mundane katakana word, bigger ceremonial implications. The fire week cook our food on is much smaller, separate, and surrounded by cement.
--
This article helped me understand ritual in everyday Japanese life a little bit better. It also helped me understand why I have to come to an empty teachers room every day during the summer.
I was going to write about how the Japanese are obsessed with harmony, but that will do for now, pig, that'll do.

Nobody's around the blog lately anyways...

Expect some more today.

The cuteness make your head a'splode

All we are saying is give peace a chance.

Using goats to memorize kanji

隠れる: to hide. I think of the left radical as a butt...
The goats meme: an image to hide from
Using this knowledge, turn the kanji into a picture with your imagination and bam!: horrible mnemonic that is stuck with me forever, just like the original image.

If you don't get this post, trust me, you don't want to. Don't google it.
--
Other bad mnemonics:
皮膚= HI (he) has FUgly skin.
床= YU KAn't park a tree on my floor.
芝生=SHE BUfFUs up the lawn.

Animal abuse

News you can abuse

Lunatics

So I was offhandedly asked what the town's motto would be in English. In Japanese, it was something like 月の引力が強い町 (don't remember clearly, but I think that was it). In translation it would mean, "the effect of the moon on the tide is strong in this town." Literally, it is just "[the] moon's gravity [is] strong[ly effective on the tide in our] town".
So I said, "Uh... 'Tara: the moon's effect is strong here...' or something?"
It wasn't until later I realized they were making this translation into a t-shirt.
Not only have I contributed to the Engrish phenomenon, but the shirts will give everyone who reads it the impression that the residents of this town are lunatics (the entymology of lunatic is one who goes crazy as the moon becomes fuller).

Welcome to Dongmakgol

This was a great movie. Alex, I imagine you have already seen it, yeah? Course, I had to read Japanese subtitles the whole time what with being a Korean movie. I gotta say, Americans' acting is slightly better in Korean films than in Japanese ones. The directors probably actually know English.
Sorry, Japan, you know it's true.

From WWWJDIC

別に制服着込んだ外宇宙の使者が、伴侶を求めて徘徊してるわけでもなかろうに。
It's not as if an emmissary from outer space will have slipped into school uniform and be loitering around seeking a partner.

This is gonna be a bad day

The day I decide to wear pants is the day they don't have the AC on in the school. I am sitting in a soup of my own sweat; this has been a bad day so far, and will likely continue.

It helps you poop

My Simpsons avatar

It is really hard to make something that matches me at the Simpsons movie website. Everyone in the show has receding chins! Got the eyebrows right, if my screen captures on my youtube profile are any indication. Do I have the frowny eyebrows that much in normal life too?

Mr. B puts his hat in the ring

If one is in Japan long enough, they might notice these signs...
Basically, they are boards where the candidates get equal face time. But I thought the board looked woefully unrepresentative of the international mingling that is supposed to be happening in Japan.


And besides, I could beat these guys in a race.


So I decided to make my own campaign poster. The caption says どんと来い, meaning "bring it on!" Only I had a brain nap and forgot the い.


It 's a little small, but I don't want to waste any more of the school's resources. Despite that, this pic looks pretty good if you zoom in.


Oh you'd better raise your hand, lady. In fear. To ask for help from the unstoppable juggernaut that is my raised eyebrow.



Vote for Clay!
--
I quickly took my poster down; I am not sure if this is legal. I'll put it up in Kashima maybe.
This is not the first time I have joked my way into a campaign. In high school, I ran unannounced and made my own campaign posters. In the boy's room, above the latrines, we had signs that said "How's it hangin? Vote for Clay!" In the weight room, the sign read: "When you are doing your clean and jerk, think of a nice, clean jerk, like Clay, for president." There was also, "Vote for Clay and he will give you ten dollars.* *:Clay will not give you anything."

I win.

I win at life. Sorry to be the one to tell you that you lost. Why do I win? Because I walk and ride my bike about town with a kitten patiently perched on my shoulder. The old ladies I pass all yell out how cute it is. Traffic stops. This means I win, any way you cut it :p
--
But on a more serious note, I think my summer is gonna be major boring. I canceled a trip to China, because the man was keeping me down. But maybe I will go to somewhere else with the gf.

Enjoy your Schadenfreude

And in case you don't know kids' mental abilities, let Zach Galifianakis remind you.

Movement in a still image

Just a little experiment. Go here to see. The pic is from the mountains around here. The band is Japanese.

I'll have you give an answer

The title is wierd cause it relates to today's language discussion. Yay language discussions! Anybody?　*cricket sound* *cough*
Just when I thought I had "～てもらった" pegged as "I had him ～for me", I go and run into a new example to confuse me.
Today, a teacher said, after he looked up and realized I had written an example sentence, "Mr. Bは前に黒板で文を書いてもらった."
I thought to myself, Wait, you didn't have me write that for you, I did it of my own volition; independantly.

After some discussion, I think I may extend the interpretation of "～てもらった" to "He did something (～) that I/we needed/required (whether we requested that thing or not is irrelevant)."

Thoughts?　君の答えを書いてもらおうと思う。

What books to buy

The woman who wrote the gaikokujin husband book has a website, and she does other books in the same style.

建前

So I got a lecture from the powers that be today, and it basically boiled down to one thing: my lack of tatemae, or putting up the correct front. It still grates on my nerves, coming from the culture that I do. We mostly reserve such behavior for the service industry where I come from. It even feels downright dishonest to me at times to do tatemae. But as my bosses put it, I have to act Japanese when I am in Japan, whether or not it makes sense. しょうがない, they say. It can't be helped.
But I am a little irritated at the teachers who reported me for the stark crime of laying on my side to watch a comedy show in the gym on a hot and humid day. They want me to act according to rules I have no way of knowing, to play along, to be a chatty person (in Japanese?), to pretend to be as busy as them, and yet they don't really let me into their group nor try to understand why I am doing things in a way they aren't used to, and they never will.
Clay, quit your bitching and put on a happy face. That's tatemae.

RRRR!

Earth to radio script!

今日のキーワードはEarthだ

今日の表現はEarth to ～　

～に人の名前や情報について一時的なニックネームが入っておく。

よくHelloやHeyを付くこともあるぜ。また、まるで通信指令部員(つうしんしれいぶいん)みたいだ。

意味は～さん、～さん聞いている？

ぼんやりしている人に対して注意を促すときなどに用いる

例えば、面白い話を言っているのに、友だちがボーッとしている時に使うよ。

次の会話を聞いてご覧。(女と彼女の彼氏の話)

So then I… Hey! Earth to Bill! Wake up.

Oh sorry.

和訳すると：

そして、あたし…オイ!　ビルさん！もしもし。起きなさい。

あ。ごめん。

Harkonen UFO

The Mexican UFO club came to the scientific conclusion that this is a witch, but it is obviously barron Harkonnen from the Sci-fi epic Dune.

Cave Story for the Mac!

It occured to me that the greatest free game ever may have a Mac port. I was happy to find it does. Unite, my Mac brothers, and play 洞窟物語 by downloading it here (Japanese only, so think of it as language practice too).
The best part: using darwin remote and my Wiimote, I can play like the old-school style game it is!

What is your blog rated by an MPAA scale?

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• ass (1x)

Everything we love is stupid, revisited

You may remember the entry where I claimed that most things in entertainment, particularly science fiction related things, are really stupid. Really, really stupid.
I think about the idea often, especially when I watch the new Doctor Who episodes. I would say outside of the return of The Master, this season has been mind-numbingly silly. Seriously, villainous weeping angel statues? But I have been watching a lot of the older doctors' episodes lately, thanks to this site, and it drives home the fact that the show was always really bad, and cheesy in the best way. That and Sara Jane was hotter than I ever remembered.

It's all good though, because it's entertaining, and I stand by that.

Anyhoo, you may want to take a look at this article, which argues that true Star Wars fans hate Star Wars. That's something I can get behind!

I know this idea was controversial the first time I brought it up, but have you come to share my point of view, or do you still defend your media?

Reading Clark Ashton Smith on my iPod

This is a screen shot of the time-consuming task of converting a bunch of files to unicode 8 text so that I could put them on my ipod. Also, I used an OS X application called book2ipod to get the files to the right size. But it's all worth it; as you may know, Clark is my favorite author. But if you want to find his stories, my old link no longer works (I'll get it later). Better look in the heart of the internet*.

I think maybe over the summer I will give myself a fun challenge and start translating his stories to Japanese. I am gonna have to find a way to sound kind of smart, verbose, poetic, and archaic in Japanese... maybe a read-about into old ghost stories is in order.
After that, I wonder how I can let Japanese people have access to the stories...

ホイ、日本語がわかる人！そんなフィクションに興味がある？

*Blogspot Firefox 2 may be to blame, but if that link doesn't work, try http://web.archive.org/web/20011104141606/http://www.worldofschmitt.com/writings/smith/

Fluent Japanese in one word (a vid response)

Oh! Mikey

Oh! Mikey: not just a funny/creepy series about a foriegn--and incidentally manequin-- family living in Japan, but the twins' speech (sixth vid in this playlist) is a good exercise in the nuances of saying certain things that are close in meaning to each other.

Strange circumstances led me to make blueberry curry

And it wasn't so bad.

蛍

A couple of friends came down to give me fresh baked crockets (sp?) and see the kitty. I had seen something previously in the evening that I thought they should see, so I had them hop in my car and we went about five minutes into the mountains.
Tara has a nice little park up there, with the word ホタル in its name. Which means it's a place for viewing fireflies.
The site of fireflies blinking in unison over a river in the valley between two mountains is quite magical. Like a strange fictional wonderland. Too bad the season will soon be over.

Then I saw this morning another town in our prefecture has made the Mainichi news for the same thing. I was at the town last year; it had a longer trail but fewer fireflies at once when compared to Tara. If you go to Ogi, you have to go deep into the mountains to get a good view, or so I hear. But anyways, there is a photograph in the article, so check it out. I may try a night shot with my camera tonight and see what happens.
BTW, fireflies make for excellent dates ;)

算額

I have been curious lately about what old math calculations looked like in Japanese, before Arabic numerals were adopted. I am still rather unsure, but I did rediscover something I haven't thought about for years (I have random memories of researching for an art and math paper in junior college, and seeing this in the electronic periodical records): Sangaku.
Shrines have little evocative wooden tablets; usually prayers, wishes, and horses adorn them. But Sangaku were euclidean-geometry puzzles painted onto such tablets, and set out for those merry 参る者* to solve.
Most of them seem to involve circles. But anyway, here are some examples, and here is a concise history with good insights into the cultural background.
Also, this is at a shrine in Fukuoka; I want to find it, but it is from 1984(?) with Arabic numerals.


*:totally just made up a term for shrine-goer.

I scored plain as toast

Actually this quiz doesn't account for all the slurring that I do. That's Clayese. I scored Midland. Do I get extra points for editing their awkward quiz results grammar?
"The default, lowest-common-denominator American accent that newscasters try to imitate. Just because you have a Midland accent doesn't mean you're from the Midland."

What American accent do you have?

Well, it finally happened.

Things are a little odd today. Okay, a lot. And I am not sure how much longer the power will be on; it's been flickering. Besides, I've got to get to a safer location. Luckily, I am close the mountains, and will head up there shortly. The sirens started around 5 a.m., but they've been off for a little while now.
I confirmed what was giving me the willies pretty early on, with the site of my neighbor. She is one of a few little old ladies that lives around me. But I saw her, out in the yard, trying stupidly to claw her way through the chain link fence. It took me a good thirty seconds to put it together: the clouded over eyes; the blood on her hands and nightgown; the old man, barely in view, laying very still on the tatami beyond their open window. This woman was a zombie.
I got my shovel. It was really hard. Cause you second guess yourself in such a situation. You wonder if you aren't crazy, when the world is. I made a mad dash to the supermarket after that; did some breaking in and looting; there are already a few bodies strewn outside, some of them twitching. I kicked one into the river on my way out. There was a very confused man in the market; some worker. I tried to convince him of what was happening; why the banging was so incessent on the shutters, and that I had a reason for my ransacking. But he wouldn't believe me, and I left him behind.

Has it spread abroad yet? The TV stations that are on are issuing generic emergency signals. Thank goodness we are an island nation. But how long can I and the other survivors hold out? Gotta go. Pray for me and be safe.

(update: apparently there is some info and news about events here).

Cucumber Pepsi

I contend some violence goes so over the top that it becomes cartoony; how do you feel about the issue?

Chillin at the gats

I look like anpanman [shot by]

Need a water gun

A single cat is quite a bit to wrassle with; suprisingly more difficult than three. And training what is okay to do and what is not... I need to find a water gun, and maybe ammonia (but not combined!). And a widdle cushion to sleep on when I am gone...

The top three

Our word for the day is sandai, or "the top three". It's kind of an idiomaic grouping of any three things. There are also 一大, 二大, and 四大 etc groupings, but I was informed that　yondai is a bit strange and 四天王 (the four heavenly kings) is used in its place.　In any case, the pattern repeats infinitely as far as I know, but one must attach this compound to whatever word it is modifying.
Anyways, back to the top three concept. In Japanese baseball, they sometimes say "神様！仏様！～様！" Where the ～ is replaced by an awesome player. You can use this in other contexts to cool effect.

DVD is not the acronym you assumed it to be

So I saw a DVD store sign in Tara on my way back up from Isahaya the other day. I thought to myself at the time, Oh, that could be more convenient that going all the way to the next town over for vids; I'll have to check it out.
Then I go there today. The videos were there, but there was something... off about them. After a few hours it hit me: those ladies aren't wearing clothes. And this flashlight... it's all strangely shaped, and it doesn't light up at all. Waitaminute, this must be one of those burlesque videotechs the dandies talk about!
So I guess I found the town's Olde Sex Shoppe. That was... interesting.
And I guess DVD stands for Deviant Video Distributor.
Yet it warms my heart, in a strange way, that even a super small town such as mine could have such a place.

Choosing which to keep

Recent events (vid)

I think we all have a creepy old man in our lives.

Well, it has cute kitties at least...

Also, other Saga-people, I have one more cat I am willing to give away, but act before I and it become too attached to each other, ne.

Top Ten Films for Japanese Culture

I made a list of what I thought are good films for experiencing Japanese culture. And they are entertaining. But what do you think? What would you choose?
Suicide Club
Taste of Tea
Swing Girls
Kamakazi Girls
Kikujiro
Tanpopo
Battle Royal
Izu
Dead or Alive 2
Gozu

I thought about Ringu as well, but the Japanese don't seem very connected to their horror traditions in every day life.

I am now a proud father of a cute video. Oh and kitties too.

ないclops

I'll blog you!

Just another script. As I have another school to tell it to, I would appreciate any feedback.
今日はキーワードなし行くぜ！
今日の表現は「I’llなになにYOU!」
意味はばかばかしく他人の言ったことを繰り返して、
からかって楽しむ
それは皮肉だけど辛らつな皮肉じゃないぜ
大体他人を笑わせるのが目的。やっぱりギャグだね。
この例を聞いてみよう。
How　noisy!
Sorry, I gotta practice my saxophone.
I’ll practice you!
じゃ訳してもらう
うるさいなあ。
わるいけど、サクスを練習しなくちゃ
俺はあんたを練習よ！
簡単なギャグだね。
また例をあげるぞ
Pass me the ketchup.
I’ll pass you!
日本語で
ケチャップを取って
僕はオマエこそを取るぞ！
このギャグはアメリカで人気であり、思いがけなく言う。

Handy jokes to have in your repertoire

Interview with Christian Storms

Hey blogosphere, this one has been in the works for a while. Christian Storms is a jack-of-all trades in the Japanese film industry, and foreigner breaking the mold to boot. Most appealing to me was the fact that he works with Takashi Miike quite often, but I discovered him when I saw his performance, which was really good, in the Justice segment of Jam Films. He's a really interesting guy doing exactly what I would love to. In this interview, I italicized a few of his words and hyperlinked others. The images are from Justice. Also, here is a preview for his latest film:
What do you tell people when they ask what you do?


It’s never easy and confuses most. About half the work I do is translation, mainly film subtitles for Japanese films into English and the occasional American film like Southpark into Japanese.
The other half is film coordination. I own a production company (Local 81 www.local81.jp) acting as the line producer. Local81 is the source for experienced, bilingual, award-winning filmmakers specializing in music videos, documentaries, commercials and features shot in Japan. We assist overseas directors/producers. We recently did a NIKE commercial with Traktor and are doing the world premiere/press junket for SPIDERMAN 3.


This is the point people’s eyes start to glaze over or look at me like I must be making this all up. Oh, and then I have the acting career too as well as being a dialogue coach, directing actors for computer games and dubbed versions of Japanese commercials. My dad laughs at me because I have to produce television shows for corporations like the Discovery Channel so I can afford to work on Japanese features. He also laughs at me because in college I got offered a job with the CIA and he still thinks that’s what I really do.

Is there any job that you identify more with, or feel the most comfortable with?

I feel pretty comfortable as a line producer. But feel even more relaxed as an actor and director. The long term plan has always been to write and direct a feature. I have always written and always wanted to direct. I never thought it would be possible hence I started out on the producer track. I have directed a music video and a short that was shown at RESFEST and ONE DOT ZERO film festivals.
But damn, if making a dime doesn’t consume your life in this town. At least I have worked with and hired many of the people I want to make my film with. I thought I’d direct by 30 then 35, now at 38, I hope it’s before 40. The biggest problem now is finding the time to write.

This post continues after the jump. Also, be aware the language gets a little blue.




How did you break into the biz?

Dumb fucking luck really. A girl I went to Sophia with was working for an Australian film producer, Charles Hannah, who was running a co-production feature between Australia and Japan. She was leaving, wanted to know if I was interested. When I got that call it was like “Are you high? Of course, I am”. I worked as his assistant interpreter for meetings with the Japanese distributor as well as all the other projects we were doing like development, completion bonds, distribution, etc. Later, Charles went back to Australia and worked for Becker Entertainment a television production company. He introduced me to their production team for the first television show I ever coordinated which was a Lonely Planet show about soccer. Charles was recently the executive producer of The World's Fastest Indian starring Anthony Hopkins.

I started acting through translation and directing. I was doing South Park and set to direct the voice actors. I had been schooled in distribution, producing, production, directing but never acting. I got accepted to United Performers' Studio run by Narahashi Yoko (associate producer for THE LAST SAMURAI, casting associate BABEL) and studied method acting 18 hours a week for a year.

In a sense, I broke into acting through translation. I had been doing subtitles for SUPER MILK-CHAN. The director was planning a feature. The only problem is that he hates dealing with actors and always hires models. I was talking to the producer while we were checking the subtitles and told him about my experiences through acting and that I’d love to audition. Two years later, the same producer’s company was doing JAM FILMS: Justice. He called me and asked me to audition for the part of Robert, the teacher. After I got the role, I found out they had already auditioned 60 people for the role. Since the director was busy, they videotaped the audition which took place in a coffee shop. The audition was playing the scene where Robert asks about the writing on the desk, goes nuts and finally throws the kid out of the class. I found out later that the person playing the student was the main producer. At the end of the audition, I told the cameraman to let me do one more thing and said, “This is for you Yukisada (the director). I took off my shirt, exposed my T-shirt where I had written “seigi” (justice). I turned around showing that the shirt said “heiwa” (peace). I raised the t-shirt exposing my chest where I had written manko or “pussy” in Japanese. I asked my manager at the time, “How’d I do?” She said, “I could have done without the last part.” But that was really what the director liked. He even wrote about in the behind the scenes book for the making of the JAM FILMS series. And he keeps casting me in his movies.

Did you have some lucky breaks, or was it an uphill battle?


It’s an uphill battle as an actor not having an agent or being associated with a big talent agency. Most directors find me through my work or contact me via a friend of a friend. Japanese film doesn’t really audition in the overseas entertainment sense. The hardest thing is convincing Japanese directors that a foreign actor can play more than the pedestrian English teacher, white guy role. Of course, I never try to take such a role or give such a performance. With JUSTICE, I walked like a goose stepping Nazi with fake glasses and all. I talked as fast as possible. Only an American English teacher would think he could recite something and expect his students to be translating it in sync. And gave a hint of my crazed, hidden, ashamed because of the Catholic church inner longing for buruma panties. I said Jesus several times on purpose too. I did a similar thing in PAVILLION. I am quizzing the girl on pronunciation and listening checking “right” and “light” but in the end, I mess it up on purpose as I get close to touching her tits. In SUKIYAKI WESTERN, my English is the least comprehendible once again on purpose.

Any secrets you are ready to pass along to other foreigners wanting to work in Japanese films?



First and foremost, learn to not only speak Japanese but to read and write it. From there, I’d say focus on what side of filmmaking you want to be a part of. If you want to be a producer, bang on the door of a person who makes films you like and ask for a job. If you want to direct, find a director and offer to be an assistant director. Then get prepared to make nothing or next to nothing. The fourth AD on a film set usually has no experience, runs the slate and works for free. For at least 18 hours a day, you can make nothing working as a “minarai” or about 10,000 yen per day. Of course, you get free food which is where the expression “kutte ikeru” (can you make a living literally can you eat) probably comes from.

There is no overtime paid on Japanese features and most television. All salaries are on a gross amount. It’s kind of a gaman taikai. No one sits down on the set. No one paces themselves to rest. When a film wraps, people often get wheeled off to the hospital. Most films are shot in three weeks under 4 million dollars; what America calls a down and dirty. In terrorism-for-sale-inc or why-does-the-world-hate-us, these films are generally direct to video crappola fare. Here, it’s high-end features.

But if you want to work in production, at least you’ll get paid more than actors. First time extras usually get the luxury of spending a day on set as well as lunch/dinner. Extras – now these are trained actors mind you – might come for the day for 5,000 yen. For my first role in JUSTICE, I was paid the whopping sum of 50,000 yen for two days. Tsumabuki probably got 1 million yen and his managing company HORIPRO took at least half.

Of course, this leads to the dilemma of being an actor in Japan. Features pay very little so most actors must do TV dramas. Everyone hopes for commercials as the appearance fees are staggering. But when you watch TV, ever notice that the show itself is pretty much a commercial especially when it comes to variety programming? But then you think, so-so talent, she’s on so many shows, she must be popular, her fee must be high. Nope. She’s just cheap that’s why they book her so much. That’s why TV is dominated by comedian acts because they are cheap to produce and can talk so no need for a script, kind of like reality TV in the US. Is it 2 AM and have I had a few rum and cokes? You’re damn tootin’!

Is Takashi Miike as crazy as his movies?



Not at all. He’s totally sane; totally talented. On IMPRINT and DJANGO, I often felt I was working with one of the greatest directors of all time. Recently, his sunglasses were broken and you could see his eyes throughout the filming. He has the sweetest, most compassionate eyes complete with long eyelashes.

How do you feel about working with him, and will you do it in the future again?



I love working with him and the entire Miike team. It’s great to be with top professionals. I started with GOZU doing the subtitles, then did ZEBRAMAN, then IMPRINT, then SHONEN A and now DJANGO and recently did subtitles for the SEGA game turned feature: RYU GA GOTUKU.

On IMPRINT, I spent about 90% of the film right next to him by the monitor. He listens to what you have to say and even uses ideas. I spent just as much time on DJANGO learning what I can. He’s made so many films that it’s all in his head. The script for IMPRINT was only 30 pages. He’d arrive every morning and write out a shot list while having coffee.

What makes the man so wonderful is that he can make films without a script. Any Hollywood director or music video director turned feature director can make a film. You get a story which you have to follow anyway to get the project green lighted. You break it down, you budget it, you get money – too much most of the time -- and you hire people. And all of this is done in a very film friendly environment. In Japan, getting cooperation to film in locations takes weeks of preparation and loads of clearances. In LA, you just throw money at someone. In Japan, despite being an economic power, money doesn’t mean everything. Being part of a film means even less sometimes. We were scouting on a studio roof the other day for a commercial photo shoot and were told that we couldn’t use strobes after dark as it would offend the neighbors.

That all being said, it’s still damn hard work. At least 15 hour days often 20 sometimes 24. We shot IMPRINT in 21 days and DJANGO in two months. But no one feels like they are being treated like slaves. They feel part of a grand vision. They don’t get ordered around and told to do things the LA way by a foreign production. Get this…as of ZEBRAMAN, Aikawa Show had the leading role in 100 films. Now get on IMDB.COM and take a look the number of films the flavor of the year actor has made.

Speaking of extreme and possibly crazy Japanese directors, have you run into Shinya Tsukamoto?

Never. Like him as an actor more than a director.

When you were working on the Masters of Horror imprint, did you think it would be banned from Showtime like it was, or did that come as a surprise?


It came as somewhat of a surprise. But the real reason was probably to boost DVD sales. With headlines like “Miike – Too Extreme for Showtime” I think they got what they wanted. I still applaud Mick Garris’s vision to let directors make their own films without any interference from distributors.

What is your latest role like? Will we be able to recognize you? I ask because your appearance looks different in every publicity shot.

I play the town preacher and act as a mouthpiece for the mayor (Ishibashi Renji). You might know him as the crazed ballet teacher in AUDITION or the yakuza boss who liked to sit on spoons in GOZU. I’m the only non-Japanese actor other than Tarantino so I think you’ll be able to pick me out. I also speak the worst English in the bunch.

Do you do loose interpretations when you translate, or do you get pretty close to the literal meaning?

I try to get as close to the literal meaning as possible but making sure that I convey the writer’s vision. If he wants a laugh in a certain place then people better damn well at least chortle. In cases like this, I often “transwrite” by substituting words or jokes that will play better. In KOI NO MON/OTAKU’S IN LOVE, the main character lives in an apartment that looks pretty scary. The visiting girlfriend says, “Pretty excentric looking room.” The boy replies, “yeah, the plumber said it looked like Osorezan.” Osoresan, literally Mount Dread, is a mountain temple in Northern Japan associated with spiritual mediums. So for the subtitled version the boy replies, “The plumber called it "Blair Witch".”

I often have to render colloquial Japanese into English subtitles which is fairly easy given my dialogue coaching background.

What's your craziest anecdote from working in Japan?

You asked so…spending more money in one night than my monthly salary at a hostess bar with the Sasakawa Peace Foundation. Me, I would have settled for a bowl of ramen and a raise. Later not getting my contract renewed and realizing the freedom of working for myself. Meeting former AUM devotees and then getting prank calls for months. The guys had a sense of humor. They played THE LAST WALTZ by THE BAND. Explaining to customs at Narita what AMERICA’s NEXT TOP MODEL is and getting the contestants through the next day. Hiding film in our production manager’s house until final payment was made on a music video. Washing cars for a month with my chinpira friend in Saitama. Being threatened by corporate ad tools who don’t realize that we have escaped the weight of our corporate logo and have no appreciation for the fact that we did all their creative work for them. Crashing for three hours a tele-kura with Jeff my production cohort while our client slept at The Okura and wouldn’t pay for our room or any other moment spent with the man. Sharing a double bed with Junya another production friend in a business hotel/production office for over a month while the client of course had a suite. Being one-on-one for a week with Paul McCartney and Wim Wenders and realizing that anyone else is a complete poser. But most importantly, having the privilege to not only be with Miike but everyone else on his team and to be a part of that group.


Where you happy when you where an English teacher?

Yeah because I was fresh off the boat and everyday was a learning experience. I had a huge revelation when I realized that despite my Japanese ability or deep cultural understanding or later to come Japanese wife and eijuken, that when I got on the train I will forever be the tourist. But then I realized that all Japanese people suffer this same loss of identity. The same guy that pushes you is the corporate president who doesn’t get called “shacho” until he walks in the door at work. So enjoy the train. Realize why the SONY Walkman was developed in Japan.

Get local. Make friends in your region hood and your professional hood. I’ve run into Suzuki Seijun, Fukusaku Kinji and Seiji Ozawa on the train and introduced myself realizing that none of the other Japanese passengers have any idea of who these great men are or were. And when you get down on your life, think about driving in your car in America in traffic and the extreme loneliness associated with it. Then think that loneliness is a universal concept. Coming to Japan didn’t cause it. Then as Jung said embrace your grief for there your soul will grow. For years, I’ve been listening to THE BAND sing WHEN I PAINT MY MASTERPIECE which is of course a Dylan song. “Some day everything is gonna sound like a rhapsody, when I paint my masterpiece.”

So find your rhythm or your curious groove and get on with it. Hell, I’ll even let you listen to J-POP if it will get you motivated and stop you from blaming Japan for how you feel. Everyone in this world is fuckin’ crazy man. Do you want to be a happy crazy or a sad crazy?

Do you find you are able to get past culture barriers, fluent as you are, or does discrimination and/or misunderstanding still get you down at times?

I've evolved beyond the realm of my homeland. In my absence, I've have been freed from the dailies. Not only do I not care about the latest gossip in town, I am unaware of it. Indifference is even more detestable than hatred according to some. I'm willing to make that sacrifice. But sometimes I say to myself, "Motherfucker. Am I gonna end up like Bill Bixby?!"

Otherwise, fuck everyone who doesn’t get you. Be glad you are not forced to talk about Monday night football or the weekend’s baseball games and always, always request to ride the fatass, handicapped motorized carts at Walmart on your return to the dirt that spawned you! Oh, and when you go through US customs and get accused almost belittled for living overseas as their subtext reads, “Why would you want to live anywhere else then our fine nation of freedom?” Please reply, because I am not brainwashed.

I recently got a housing loan refused on the grounds that I paid my taxes late the last two years. The total in late fees was about $70. But if banks gave loans to people who paid their taxes late, no one who even pay taxes. The system exists in any country.