July 9, 2005
My life in pictures: The early years
I can't remember why I had two black eyes, or why I was in a bathtub with my sister, but I receive regular fanmail from NAMBLA/sadism/incest fetishists to this day.
My awkward teen years, when I had a bad hair style and a dog growing from my butt. I had the dog lanced.
My first summer job, as a pool boy. A great way to pick up chicks! Look at those rock-hard abs. I know you're jealous.
Proof that even I was cute at one point.
My brief experiment with the punk look... As you can see, I misunderstood the concept.
Ah, my first love. It was a very rough break up-- she trampled me and crushed three of my ribs.