A student's imagination gets the best of him when he hears that milk increases concentration. So is the daydreaming he does before drinking ironic? Does he lack the ability to daydream in this way after drinking? I could give you the answer, but I forgot to drink milk today and so will stare at the clouds now.
Showing posts with label funniest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funniest. Show all posts
December 1, 2009
Japanese Student Dodging Chalk
A student's imagination gets the best of him when he hears that milk increases concentration. So is the daydreaming he does before drinking ironic? Does he lack the ability to daydream in this way after drinking? I could give you the answer, but I forgot to drink milk today and so will stare at the clouds now.
November 24, 2009
Sashimi-san is One Angry Cat
I don't know what makes the cat Sashimi-san so angry, but it definitely doesn't like this guy, who is visiting his sister. There are many vids in this series. I made a playlist of a few of them. Don't let the Japanese at the beginning scare you off; funny stuff abounds.
Alternative Forms of Caffeination Available in Japan
The convenience stores of Japan have much to offer in the way of that special alkaloid that keeps one up (a.k.a. caffeine). Be it for the purpose of study, clubbing, or work, Japanese people everywhere are always looking for a way to stay up late. Based on a really informal survey that I have been conducting over the years, in part because I am really awkward about finding something to talk about in conversations—"So… do you think America should switch to metric?"—I have determined that the average Japanese person goes to sleep at 3 in the morning and gets up at six. Now that is a grueling schedule! Granted, all the sleeping they do on the train helps, but they need something more to get them through their day.
So caffeine is naturally the go-to ingredient in the arsenal of any warrior against somnolence. Tea is a good source of it, and many people around here have a 10-cup-a-day habit. But the body needs a constant trickle to burn on all cylinders. Thus, a huge market of little caffeinated products fills our convenience stores. For instance, today's blog offering: カフェイン スナック (literally "caffeine snack", but I call them caffeine puffs).
They come in two flavors, maccha (green tea) latte and macchiato. They both resemble cheese puffs, but don't taste like cheese at all.
Here we have a picture of an corny specimen (on the left), as well as the product in question (on the right). The snack is light and fluffy, and mostly corn. It tastes a bit like maccha.
Caffeine may have adverse effects if taken in excess, so I recommend popping one or two in your caffeination orifice of choice about every five minutes to keep you idling at a steady pace throughout your day and avoid burnout.
Remember to use all mind-altering substances, of which caffeine is one, responsibly to avoid altered states.>
So caffeine is naturally the go-to ingredient in the arsenal of any warrior against somnolence. Tea is a good source of it, and many people around here have a 10-cup-a-day habit. But the body needs a constant trickle to burn on all cylinders. Thus, a huge market of little caffeinated products fills our convenience stores. For instance, today's blog offering: カフェイン スナック (literally "caffeine snack", but I call them caffeine puffs).
They come in two flavors, maccha (green tea) latte and macchiato. They both resemble cheese puffs, but don't taste like cheese at all.
Here we have a picture of an corny specimen (on the left), as well as the product in question (on the right). The snack is light and fluffy, and mostly corn. It tastes a bit like maccha.
Caffeine may have adverse effects if taken in excess, so I recommend popping one or two in your caffeination orifice of choice about every five minutes to keep you idling at a steady pace throughout your day and avoid burnout.
Remember to use all mind-altering substances, of which caffeine is one, responsibly to avoid altered states.>
September 16, 2009
Cute Kid Makes a Call
Man, maybe it's the change to autumnal weather, but I am totally not with it this week. Oddly, I never thought seasons could change one's behavior until the Japanese people tied me down and four seasons-afied me. Anyways, Nina is here to pick up the blogging slack for me.
The cutest thing about Nina is she actually speaks Japanese just as in the stereotypical corrupted syllables like one sees in cartoons here. Lot's of "s" sounds become softened to "ch" or "sh" sounds.
She's also bilingual, speaking cute English too:
The cutest thing about Nina is she actually speaks Japanese just as in the stereotypical corrupted syllables like one sees in cartoons here. Lot's of "s" sounds become softened to "ch" or "sh" sounds.
She's also bilingual, speaking cute English too:
June 22, 2008
Prodigously Panoramific
I upload them so you don't have to! What? I dunno. This is my life in a wide angle.
Okay, this and the next one aren't panoramas, but are in fact my graduation messages for my graduating kids last go around. All funny-looking kanji were done by my own blighted hand. This is why I came to Japan, so I could do these two specific graduation messages.
One reason why I take bike rides.
So I says to him, I says, "that's some handsome hay."
From Nagasaki's artificial Holland. Expensive town; you have to pay just to walk around it. Two more:
Tara, the sea, and the mountains.
Okay, this and the next one aren't panoramas, but are in fact my graduation messages for my graduating kids last go around. All funny-looking kanji were done by my own blighted hand. This is why I came to Japan, so I could do these two specific graduation messages.
One reason why I take bike rides.
So I says to him, I says, "that's some handsome hay."
From Nagasaki's artificial Holland. Expensive town; you have to pay just to walk around it. Two more:
Tara, the sea, and the mountains.
June 4, 2008
More Kitty Curls!
Did you enjoy the kitty curling? Cause I'm bringing it again! こりやああああっ!
... Actually I'm not bringing it for a while; I totally strained my back. Not while lifting cats, I promise. I fell into "I can do anything physical now" syndrome whilst drunk on my small strength boost that I got recently. Strong* arms ≠ strong lower back. Oy.
*: missing scare-quotes, methinks.
October 15, 2007
September 5, 2007
November 30, 2006
In a world filled with spam mail, one man will take a stand...
From the people who brought you the "dood, I can get your thing 3 inches!" comes a spam mail in the form of a suspenseful preview, mixed the most amusing gibberish you can imagine.
He calls this team - which includes Storm, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Wolverine and Rogue - the X-Men. And have yet another one over on DABU too. She has left him more than just a piece of paper, and more than just one problem, along with a daughter he never knew he had. She dreams of becoming a first class international flight attendant and is willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that her dreams come true.
Discusses some of the common database problems that may occur.
Magneto, believes that the only way peace can be obtained is by conquering the human species.
The new Microsoft site!
Based on the book We Were Soldiers Once.
Two worlds will go to war for honor and power.
Now, some time after it has ended, a woman and a man recall their unusual affair in separate interviews. The stakes are raised as friends double-cross each other and true motives are revealed.
With this threat approaching, the only hope Xavier's dream has is to prevent Magneto from achieving his goal. and Young by Hal Moore and Joseph Galloway.
and Young by Hal Moore and Joseph Galloway. And for love, a nation will burn to the ground.
and Young by Hal Moore and Joseph Galloway. Enlisted for a dangerous covert mission, he must combat a clever, organized, and ruthless enemy far beyond the scope of his experience. To humanity, their existence is no more than a whisper of a myth. All sessions are free to attendees.
NET Framework remoting, and a leak occurs in the async handles and the server sockets. and Young by Hal Moore and Joseph Galloway.
November 3, 2005
Thou villan!
Where do the slugs come from? Recently, I've broken all sorts of long standing building-code laws by trying to insulate and vermin-proof my home. Japanese homes are known for being very open to the air. Great, until you take into account mosquitoes, cockroaches, and winter. Seriously, Japan, time to get with the temporal period that is the 21st century. So anyways, yeah, slugs still find a way in, despite the fact that logic would dictate that they had all frozen to death by now, and that my lemon-fresh floors would insult their noses. Maybe slugs don't have noses.
In case you're wondering, the maze of doom is only for really frustrating days. Otherwise, slugs meet their ignomious end in the toilet.
October 4, 2005
Who's a Mr. Sleepy Head?
You are!
This teacher sits in the desk opposite of me. He's spent the last two days sleeping and snoring loudly. He even seems to snore when he is awake. I couldn't resist taking a picture, I found it so funny.
This teacher sits in the desk opposite of me. He's spent the last two days sleeping and snoring loudly. He even seems to snore when he is awake. I couldn't resist taking a picture, I found it so funny.
September 1, 2005
American Humor
This post is a follow up to this one.
In celebration of me finally getting to teach tomorrow, we had a small party at a yakitori shop (where I got a lot more than yakitory, including raw horse and sashimi). At one point, I wanted to entertain my coworkers, so I asked my supervisor to translate for me as I did the following joke, which I was sure would be able to cross language barriers.
Me: Okay, what does an umpire with three arms look like?
Coworkers:...
Me: This!... (This post continues if you expand it)
Well I hope you get the gist of it. Needless to say it's a lot funnier in real life, as friends who have seen it will attest.
Nobody laughed. They just couldn't understand it. "Ano... he has three fingers?"
So I resorted to drawing characters of everyone to round out the night. Luckily, they laughed at those.
One more pic. Of cake. Japanese cake is the best. "This is delectible, I'll have another...MMM! Excellent, as was the first!"
In celebration of me finally getting to teach tomorrow, we had a small party at a yakitori shop (where I got a lot more than yakitory, including raw horse and sashimi). At one point, I wanted to entertain my coworkers, so I asked my supervisor to translate for me as I did the following joke, which I was sure would be able to cross language barriers.
Me: Okay, what does an umpire with three arms look like?
Coworkers:...
Me: This!... (This post continues if you expand it)
Well I hope you get the gist of it. Needless to say it's a lot funnier in real life, as friends who have seen it will attest. Nobody laughed. They just couldn't understand it. "Ano... he has three fingers?"
So I resorted to drawing characters of everyone to round out the night. Luckily, they laughed at those.
One more pic. Of cake. Japanese cake is the best. "This is delectible, I'll have another...MMM! Excellent, as was the first!"
August 31, 2005
How I caused the end times
I appeared on tv today. During my appearance, I think I murdered the Japanese language so severely that I've created a lingual-vacuum that will swiftly gain critical mass and transform into a verbal blackhole soon fated to encompass the world and cause a linguistic fallout the likes of which we haven't seen since the tower of Babel incident. Gather your loved ones now, and tell them you love them, for tomorrow you won't even remember how to pronounce their names. I just saw a horse walk by, shouting, "The end is nigh!*" He was being ridden by Diphthong, the third horseman of the linguistic apocalypse. Accompanying Diphthong where the other horsemen, Gerund, Alveolar Consonant, and Lisp.
Oh and now there is a Japanese guy on tv, saying, "Increase your hip power with or medicine of much thrust suporto." But come to think of it, that's normal.
*:actually, he could have said neigh now that I think about it. Oh crap! A pun! I just made things worse!
--
So I visited a bunch of elementary schools yesterday. The kids are fascinated by me. You should have seen them studying me when I drew a self portrait. Oh, and if you shake one kid's hand, they will swarm you with a flurry of outstretched digits and palms eager to make your acquaintance. So much fun.
I was reminded once again how different the rules are over here when we arrived at one school and half the boys and girls where running around naked. I guess it was bath-time. Not something that would fly in the U.S., but like I said, things are different over here. Just relax and avert your eyes.
Anyway, it reminded me of one of my more humorous childhood anecdotes. At my elementary, there was this one boy that would always pull his pants and underwear all the way down to pee at the urinal. The rest of us would look at each other and do the old head-eye motion that said, check out this crazy mofo. How could the kid not know that this was weird?
Years later, I saw some comedians playing kids. One of them said, "Yeah, we're gonna get together and poke that one kid --that pulls his pants all the way down to pee-- in the butt with a stick."
Did your school have one of those kids too?
Oh and now there is a Japanese guy on tv, saying, "Increase your hip power with or medicine of much thrust suporto." But come to think of it, that's normal.
*:actually, he could have said neigh now that I think about it. Oh crap! A pun! I just made things worse!
--
So I visited a bunch of elementary schools yesterday. The kids are fascinated by me. You should have seen them studying me when I drew a self portrait. Oh, and if you shake one kid's hand, they will swarm you with a flurry of outstretched digits and palms eager to make your acquaintance. So much fun.
I was reminded once again how different the rules are over here when we arrived at one school and half the boys and girls where running around naked. I guess it was bath-time. Not something that would fly in the U.S., but like I said, things are different over here. Just relax and avert your eyes.
Anyway, it reminded me of one of my more humorous childhood anecdotes. At my elementary, there was this one boy that would always pull his pants and underwear all the way down to pee at the urinal. The rest of us would look at each other and do the old head-eye motion that said, check out this crazy mofo. How could the kid not know that this was weird?
Years later, I saw some comedians playing kids. One of them said, "Yeah, we're gonna get together and poke that one kid --that pulls his pants all the way down to pee-- in the butt with a stick."
Did your school have one of those kids too?
August 26, 2005
Japanese humor
JP:Clay, there is spider on your head.
Me:Huh?
JP:Joke!
You got me, man
--
Just one day after the train post, I must hang my head in shame for missreading the train scheduals, but some nihonjin helped. When I got onto the right train, the conductor was like, "Ah, you're the baka gaijin that's causing all the trouble. Here's some explicit instructions."
--
Photo dump
Japanese-style morning calestenics at the recent meeting of Jets. The lovely Mel is laughing too hard to participate.
Train too crowded for surfing ala last post.
Amusing pic of bikes parked around the no bikes sign.
--
As long as I'm mentioning the last post, people were wondering as to the origin of the fish head song. I found that the song was played by Barnes & Barnes.
Note: This is said to be the most requested song on the Dr. Demento program.
Note: One of the members of this duo is Bill Mumy, actor on the old "Lost in Space" and the current "Babylon 5" television series.
Me:Huh?
JP:Joke!
You got me, man
--
Just one day after the train post, I must hang my head in shame for missreading the train scheduals, but some nihonjin helped. When I got onto the right train, the conductor was like, "Ah, you're the baka gaijin that's causing all the trouble. Here's some explicit instructions."
--
Photo dump
Japanese-style morning calestenics at the recent meeting of Jets. The lovely Mel is laughing too hard to participate.
Train too crowded for surfing ala last post.
Amusing pic of bikes parked around the no bikes sign.--
As long as I'm mentioning the last post, people were wondering as to the origin of the fish head song. I found that the song was played by Barnes & Barnes.
Note: This is said to be the most requested song on the Dr. Demento program.
Note: One of the members of this duo is Bill Mumy, actor on the old "Lost in Space" and the current "Babylon 5" television series.
August 5, 2005
The unique challenges of being a tall, blonde foreigner in Japan
Life's not all roses here in Nippon. I've made a list of some of the challenges you will face should you come here.
1. Really confusing train schedules. Click here to see what I mean. You are allowed to scream.
2. Every five minutes I am offered alcohol, coffee, or ocha (green tea). When I have to politely refuse, they look really sad.
3. Everyone speaks some weird dialect of English over here that sounds like another language or something. Oh wait, it is. Seriously, cogitating the "tte" form of a verb in polite-distal past-tense depending on what gerund precedes it is surprisingly fun*, but very hard to do.
*: Fun in the sense that it's like solving a puzzle on a decoder ring; but every phrase turns out to be, "you are bad at Japanese, please drink more Ovaltine."
4. Not getting invited to parties if you don't drink. But I finally did go to a party with the PTA when the junior high went camping. After the kids were all in bed, the teachers and some parents got together. I didn't drink, but I did enjoy stuffing myself on their food. We're talking all kinds of foods, like Tara-town's Japan-famous crab, and a googolplex of seafoods and meats. The Men turn into 13 year olds when they drink, and brag about how well endowed they are and how they'd like to grab the women on the other side of the room. Tré entertaining.
5. Not knowing if the kids are trying to get you to say something compromising. "Do you like so-and-so?" What, exactly, do you mean by like, kid? Cause I'm pretty sure you just used one of the Japanese words for love...
6.Hitting your head on doors when you walk into a room because you are too tall. Dang, I do this a lot.
7. Using squatting-style toilets. Ew. I had to do this today (at city hall of all places), I don't know if I'm too tall or what, but this was not easy, and I looked like I was breakdancing or dodging bullets in the matrix, or something. And after watching that movie linked right there, I now realize I was facing the wrong direction Must not touch the ground! I felt better when I got out and all the people from the office gathered around the stall clapping and saying, "Oh, you poop so good, Crayton-san!"*
*:People who have been in Japan will get that joke. But no, that did not really happen ;P
8: Being asked the same questions over and over again. "Where are you from? Do you have a girlfriend? Why not? Why aren't you drinking the tea?" And if drunk: "which of those women* do you want to have?"
*:said well within earshot of the women in question
9: Enduring heat and humidity. I'm from cold, dry Wyoming. I'm not used to rivulets of sweat suddenly soaking me. And my neither-regions itch all the time... is that natural, or did I pick up crabs from a squat-style toilet?!
10:Not having some of the foods you like. Took me forever to find marinara sauce at the grocery store, and it turns out it's in a pouch instead of a jar. BTW, snoopy is on everything here. If you go to the 7-11 (yes, they have one of those in my rural town), you will see snoopy on all the food products.
11: Being too attractive... yeah, that counts as a challenge. I intimidate the girls a little bit, and have to listen to them whisper about me, but they rarely approach me unless they are shoving their friend at me for an introduction.
Except for the junior high girls, who insisted I cook with them when I went camping. Then they insisted on serving me. Then they insisted on doing my dishes... etc.
12: Bugs. Japanese houses don't have many ways to keep out bugs. Or insulation, or proper kitchens... I could go on.
In conclusion these are really minor inconveniences. As the McDonald's commercial here says, "I'mu roving it!" [sic]
--
Now, more pictures! I forgot to take my camera when I went camping with the Junior High, which is a shame cause there were so many cool things going on. Next time...
One of the signs it's summer is hanabi, or fireworks. The ones shown here are from the festival we just had. People were dancing, and I had Yakitori... ah, good times.
Another sign it's summer is all the Cicadas. This one has lived out it's one-week life. Every time I get annoyed by the sound, I try to remember this haiku:
Fire works
Fireworks
Japan is such an open-minded country that apparently you can choose a drink as your life partner.
--
It appears Abe has succumbed to blog depression or something, so I moved her to the dearly departed list. But I added Steph to the land of the living.
1. Really confusing train schedules. Click here to see what I mean. You are allowed to scream.
2. Every five minutes I am offered alcohol, coffee, or ocha (green tea). When I have to politely refuse, they look really sad.
3. Everyone speaks some weird dialect of English over here that sounds like another language or something. Oh wait, it is. Seriously, cogitating the "tte" form of a verb in polite-distal past-tense depending on what gerund precedes it is surprisingly fun*, but very hard to do.
*: Fun in the sense that it's like solving a puzzle on a decoder ring; but every phrase turns out to be, "you are bad at Japanese, please drink more Ovaltine."
4. Not getting invited to parties if you don't drink. But I finally did go to a party with the PTA when the junior high went camping. After the kids were all in bed, the teachers and some parents got together. I didn't drink, but I did enjoy stuffing myself on their food. We're talking all kinds of foods, like Tara-town's Japan-famous crab, and a googolplex of seafoods and meats. The Men turn into 13 year olds when they drink, and brag about how well endowed they are and how they'd like to grab the women on the other side of the room. Tré entertaining.
5. Not knowing if the kids are trying to get you to say something compromising. "Do you like so-and-so?" What, exactly, do you mean by like, kid? Cause I'm pretty sure you just used one of the Japanese words for love...
6.Hitting your head on doors when you walk into a room because you are too tall. Dang, I do this a lot.
7. Using squatting-style toilets. Ew. I had to do this today (at city hall of all places), I don't know if I'm too tall or what, but this was not easy, and I looked like I was breakdancing or dodging bullets in the matrix, or something. And after watching that movie linked right there, I now realize I was facing the wrong direction Must not touch the ground! I felt better when I got out and all the people from the office gathered around the stall clapping and saying, "Oh, you poop so good, Crayton-san!"*
*:People who have been in Japan will get that joke. But no, that did not really happen ;P
8: Being asked the same questions over and over again. "Where are you from? Do you have a girlfriend? Why not? Why aren't you drinking the tea?" And if drunk: "which of those women* do you want to have?"
*:said well within earshot of the women in question
9: Enduring heat and humidity. I'm from cold, dry Wyoming. I'm not used to rivulets of sweat suddenly soaking me. And my neither-regions itch all the time... is that natural, or did I pick up crabs from a squat-style toilet?!
10:Not having some of the foods you like. Took me forever to find marinara sauce at the grocery store, and it turns out it's in a pouch instead of a jar. BTW, snoopy is on everything here. If you go to the 7-11 (yes, they have one of those in my rural town), you will see snoopy on all the food products.
11: Being too attractive... yeah, that counts as a challenge. I intimidate the girls a little bit, and have to listen to them whisper about me, but they rarely approach me unless they are shoving their friend at me for an introduction.
Except for the junior high girls, who insisted I cook with them when I went camping. Then they insisted on serving me. Then they insisted on doing my dishes... etc.
12: Bugs. Japanese houses don't have many ways to keep out bugs. Or insulation, or proper kitchens... I could go on.
In conclusion these are really minor inconveniences. As the McDonald's commercial here says, "I'mu roving it!" [sic]
--
Now, more pictures! I forgot to take my camera when I went camping with the Junior High, which is a shame cause there were so many cool things going on. Next time...
Tetris is not just a game over here; it's a way of life.
Look at that view. Click to enlarge and breathe it in. I'm dang lucky to be here.
One of the signs it's summer is hanabi, or fireworks. The ones shown here are from the festival we just had. People were dancing, and I had Yakitori... ah, good times.
Another sign it's summer is all the Cicadas. This one has lived out it's one-week life. Every time I get annoyed by the sound, I try to remember this haiku:
Shizukesa ya The tranquility
Iwa ni shimiiru Permeating the rocks
Semi no koe Voices of cicadas
Fire works
Fireworks
Japan is such an open-minded country that apparently you can choose a drink as your life partner.
--
It appears Abe has succumbed to blog depression or something, so I moved her to the dearly departed list. But I added Steph to the land of the living.
July 21, 2005
Memories
All sentimental due to leaving.
Click to zoom in on the hilarity.
This is Kit and me penguin-fighting (as you can see, the rules are pretty crazy)
I may be skinny, but I gotz mad jumping skills even when a belt is around my knees. Rachel proclaimed me to have the best fighting style.
--
So, it seems I learned how to intrigue you all with the last post...
July 9, 2005
My life in pictures: The early years
I can't remember why I had two black eyes, or why I was in a bathtub with my sister, but I receive regular fanmail from NAMBLA/sadism/incest fetishists to this day.
My awkward teen years, when I had a bad hair style and a dog growing from my butt. I had the dog lanced.
My first summer job, as a pool boy. A great way to pick up chicks! Look at those rock-hard abs. I know you're jealous.
Proof that even I was cute at one point.
My brief experiment with the punk look... As you can see, I misunderstood the concept.
Ah, my first love. It was a very rough break up-- she trampled me and crushed three of my ribs.
July 2, 2005
fun with giant cardboard heads
This is what we do at work...
Click to zoom
Mara
Kat
Me
I'm pretty sure this what the boss meant by "get rid of those displays." I can't wait to see the security tapes.
Click to zoom
Mara
Kat
Me
I'm pretty sure this what the boss meant by "get rid of those displays." I can't wait to see the security tapes.
May 4, 2005
New from R&D: Nun, Version 2.0.1
New strategies to get people to go to church. It's working on me ;)
January 22, 2005
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