August 31, 2005

How I caused the end times

I appeared on tv today. During my appearance, I think I murdered the Japanese language so severely that I've created a lingual-vacuum that will swiftly gain critical mass and transform into a verbal blackhole soon fated to encompass the world and cause a linguistic fallout the likes of which we haven't seen since the tower of Babel incident. Gather your loved ones now, and tell them you love them, for tomorrow you won't even remember how to pronounce their names. I just saw a horse walk by, shouting, "The end is nigh!*" He was being ridden by Diphthong, the third horseman of the linguistic apocalypse. Accompanying Diphthong where the other horsemen, Gerund, Alveolar Consonant, and Lisp.
Oh and now there is a Japanese guy on tv, saying, "Increase your hip power with or medicine of much thrust suporto." But come to think of it, that's normal.

*:actually, he could have said neigh now that I think about it. Oh crap! A pun! I just made things worse!
So I visited a bunch of elementary schools yesterday. The kids are fascinated by me. You should have seen them studying me when I drew a self portrait. Oh, and if you shake one kid's hand, they will swarm you with a flurry of outstretched digits and palms eager to make your acquaintance. So much fun.
I was reminded once again how different the rules are over here when we arrived at one school and half the boys and girls where running around naked. I guess it was bath-time. Not something that would fly in the U.S., but like I said, things are different over here. Just relax and avert your eyes.

Anyway, it reminded me of one of my more humorous childhood anecdotes. At my elementary, there was this one boy that would always pull his pants and underwear all the way down to pee at the urinal. The rest of us would look at each other and do the old head-eye motion that said, check out this crazy mofo. How could the kid not know that this was weird?
Years later, I saw some comedians playing kids. One of them said, "Yeah, we're gonna get together and poke that one kid --that pulls his pants all the way down to pee-- in the butt with a stick."
Did your school have one of those kids too?