Things I've learned in Thailand

There are legitimate massages.
The foot massage is the best.
The full body massage leaves you sore.
It may have something to do with the full nelson.
Being sick doesn't help the soreness.

The older and dirtier an old man looks, the better the chance that a young (working) girl will be on his arm.
It helps if he has a limp.

There are seven elevens in every country.
Falafel stands serve good pitas.
Take lots of spices on your pita just to be safe.