July 17, 2008

My babies is gone

I've been dealing with a woman who is, near as I can tell, descended from people that were a bit related, if you catch my drift, because she certainly can't. But she was willing to adopt the cats. Kinda. Some emails and verbals from her over the course of a week included: " I no have cats." "Okay, I have cat" "Do you have cat? I don't have the cats now. I live alone" "I cannot have cats" "Okay, please give me one cat" "My brother told me have the cat" "The excrete my tatatmi, I no you have cat" "Do you like croquet?" "I change mind" "When do you come back moving to Saitama?" "You give cat to friend here." "Please give me not cat."

Finally, she showed up yesterday and agreed to take the cats today. Then she showed up today to refuse the cats yet again. I started to load the cat things into the car. "Time to go," I said, controlling my anger as much as possible. So I forced the cats upon her, ignoring her protests before, during, and after the transfer. "They are crying. I don't have cat if it cries" Of course they are crying lady, they have moved via scary car ride to an alien environment. "How do you use this?" It's a kitty litter box. This is kitty litter. It goes in the box. In the box. Yes, in. If you ask me again-- "what is this? They sleep here?" Kitty litter! I will commit homicide today, so help me. "I can't to keep cat." Shut. Up. "My father had a dog. He walked cat. Will you walk cat now?" Stab! Stab! Stab!
She seems to still think that the cats are somehow evil polluters that will stain her precious (read: 5 year old, brown as poop) tatami, so I created temporary harnesses to keep them outside in one place long enough to get used to the new house's neighborhood. They are used to sleeping out side, so no biggie there. Lord Poopington was an ass about it, so I just cut him loose. He's not gonna go anywhere without Poe. Poe was pretty fine when I came back a couple hours later to check on things. Lo Pan was crying in the alley, still too stupid to come get food. I'm so done with that cat. Look at what it gave me as a parting gift:
That's right: a giant hand. What am I gonna do with a giant hand, cat? Oh, and there is a gash on it. You didn't think this gift through. I cannot have hand. You take hand to Saitama? No? Please give hand someone else.