Livin' Small in Japan

I'm e-begging. You know what to do.

In for a few million pennies

Finally got a visa yesterday. Had to pay tuition today. "Installments," they said, "why would we do that. All money now please."
I can't get an official job until I have some work permission document. In Fukuoka, there was an international office/library thing with a bulletin board that teachers would use to find students. I haven't seen a place like that yet around here... I would like to charge 3,500 an hour, less 500 if students bring food. 2,000 yen for two peeps at the same time, 1,500 yen for 3. Sound reasonable? Know any potential students? Send them to my town!

filed under: ド貧乏

My New Shwanky Bachelor Pad

A notice that I can now buy a 4000 yen stamp for my special foreigner stamp book has arrived. Soon I will be legal Morlock again.

Yes, we have no nets

The free internet bubble burst. Maybe the guy noticed a drag in speed and cut me off. Oh well, have to get my own connection anyways; leaching is no fun. I've been looking for a hardware store so I can build my own desk. After all, the nook I want to put it in has a rather unique shape. Studying on the floor is quite mendok'sai as we say here.
Tons of homework to do this weekend, possible job on Thursdays: couple hours for 7000 yen. That would cover the basic cost of the appartment. Yes, that means I have a really cheap and small (but clean!) place. I was planning on vloging it for y'all, but the internets is gone and such.

Free internet?

Seems to good to be true, but once I messed with my settings for a few minutes, I found some YahooBB wireless bandwith lying around. Who knows how long it will last.
Double yabai, for the net is a distraction to my much-needed studying. I got put in the "special" 1kyu-2kyu class. This was based on my score on a test, which was all 2kyu. But I haven't been studying 2kyu since last year! Oh well, best to be a well-rounded lingual monkey, but my chances of passing 1kyu this year look grim. Gotta pay for the sign up tomorrow anyways.
Speaking of everything costing tons, the apartment downpayment and first couple months came to over $1,000, and I keep making trips to the dollar store, which is, let's face it, barely a dollar store. Today a friend took me to look at used furniture. It's expensive, but not as much as new. Still. I may buy this new couch-bed anyways, but I am pretty nervous about money. Haven't even payed tuition yet.
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Here is my attempt to be friendly to the shoe-saleswoman
僕（思）：エビちゃんみたいだとよく聞くでしょう
僕（現話）：エビちゃんみたい...
店員：聞かなかったような顔
僕：エビちゃん。指す
店員：ノー。

Arrived safely

Saitama hot. Apartment small. Internet time limited. Much love.

Wish Me Luck

Tons of it. I'm packing the computer now, so no idea when communications will resume, but the internet is everywhere, so, from the bottom of my heart, smell ya later.
p.s. I'll have to approve comments at some point, which requires the net, but I will see them if you write em!

Killing Me with Kindness

I'm not one for long goodbyes (I like a good goodbye hug though), so this week has been a bit torturous for me. On Tuesday, I gave my first goodbye speech at an assembly in my honor. The students gave me a huge bouquet, as I mentioned, then had me sit while they all sang one of their 1000-times-practiced songs to me. Then they parted, and I walked down the middle of them while they continued to hum. It was downright cinematic. Good ceremony, as one would expect of this society, but totally made me feel like I was going off to fight in a war or something.

Besides the assemblies, there is the goodbye meeting, where everyone in the office stands and you have to make remarks. I had one at each school. I'm not sure how appropriate it is, but I tried to put in a little critique into each one (to the elementarys: for the love of all that is holy, help the students study when I'm not here. Actually teach something. To the JHs: Do something, to keep your English skills from degrading now that I, your free practice dummy, am gone, not to be replaced. Man this is a sucky thing to have happen to a town). There was also the goodbye to the education director, the mayor ("Lets sit and have awkward chit-chat for five minutes about nothing.") and the vice-mayor ("I'm in a meeting. Hello, goodbye.").
I planned to give my super speech to the remaining elementary today too, but it was hot so I was just like, this has been fun! I'll remember you! Then a boy stood before everyone, handed me a flower, and expressed how fun it was that I had the class draw monsters with "multiple heads and only one body" (no really, it was an English lesson, and he did summarize it that way). And I got a paper medal.

Then off to the JH. The principal was in rare form; I'm pretty sure he was a Baptist preacher in a past life. He gave the end of period speech, shouting his 全くs and such the whole time. Then it was time to introduce me. He gave another speech, this time about Americans in Iraq and world peace and the importance of English and "that liar, Clinton" (ha ha I love him--during the office goodbye he accidentally said 嘘つきクレイトン (that liar, Clayton) We all about fell down). I gave my speech, same as on Tuesday.
Let me just conclude that if you use idioms and proverbs, you will impress people in Japan. 一心不乱 came in handy, as well as 虎穴に入らずんば、虎子を得ず (you have to go into the tiger's den to get the tiger cub).
I'm glad I am done with speeches, at least until the next part of my Japanese life. Not because I am afraid of public speaking, but because I abhor the banal predictability of ceremony. Guess I chose the wrong country. On the other hand, thanks to all the studying I've done in the last week or so, my ceremonial Japanese is at an all-time high.
--
The cats are okay; I bought some cat food and checked on them. The lady had tried to feed cucumber to Poe. Cat food, lady. How many times do I have to tell you.
--
I should be cleaning.

My babies is gone

I've been dealing with a woman who is, near as I can tell, descended from people that were a bit related, if you catch my drift, because she certainly can't. But she was willing to adopt the cats. Kinda. Some emails and verbals from her over the course of a week included: " I no have cats." "Okay, I have cat" "Do you have cat? I don't have the cats now. I live alone" "I cannot have cats" "Okay, please give me one cat" "My brother told me have the cat" "The excrete my tatatmi, I no you have cat" "Do you like croquet?" "I change mind" "When do you come back moving to Saitama?" "You give cat to friend here." "Please give me not cat."

Finally, she showed up yesterday and agreed to take the cats today. Then she showed up today to refuse the cats yet again. I started to load the cat things into the car. "Time to go," I said, controlling my anger as much as possible. So I forced the cats upon her, ignoring her protests before, during, and after the transfer. "They are crying. I don't have cat if it cries" Of course they are crying lady, they have moved via scary car ride to an alien environment. "How do you use this?" It's a kitty litter box. This is kitty litter. It goes in the box. In the box. Yes, in. If you ask me again-- "what is this? They sleep here?" Kitty litter! I will commit homicide today, so help me. "I can't to keep cat." Shut. Up. "My father had a dog. He walked cat. Will you walk cat now?" Stab! Stab! Stab!
She seems to still think that the cats are somehow evil polluters that will stain her precious (read: 5 year old, brown as poop) tatami, so I created temporary harnesses to keep them outside in one place long enough to get used to the new house's neighborhood. They are used to sleeping out side, so no biggie there. Lord Poopington was an ass about it, so I just cut him loose. He's not gonna go anywhere without Poe. Poe was pretty fine when I came back a couple hours later to check on things. Lo Pan was crying in the alley, still too stupid to come get food. I'm so done with that cat. Look at what it gave me as a parting gift:
That's right: a giant hand. What am I gonna do with a giant hand, cat? Oh, and there is a gash on it. You didn't think this gift through. I cannot have hand. You take hand to Saitama? No? Please give hand someone else.

Goodbye messages

Oh and goodbye to Cassie, who left this morning. Words failed me at our last parting; you've been cool.

Vid:

Shame on all

Shame on all who thought that I was the least bit attractive in 2005 or earlier. I just found a few pictures of me on the school computer (while looking for documents I want to save for future English teaching blunders endeavors*), and I looked so... weird. Giant shoulders that spanned the entire room, a somehow-small head, and hair that looked really greasy and didn't work for me at all. Plus a goofy grin as usual. Somehow I've changed, at least I hope so. And I at least look better than the other ALT, whose pictures were in the same folder. I deleted mine, lest my many political enemies use them to pull an Obama on me.
ALT before me, it will require a fee to have your's deleted. Can you take the risk or having these things seen? Can you take... the tee hees? I'll send you my swiss account number.
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*: If you are interested, I am collecting the pages in this Google document. You will soon realize one thing if you go there: I always made things way too complicated.

This is my goodbye speech for the schools

It's loooooong if you RSSing it, otherwise I'll have you expand it to torture yourself.

I come to you today very humbled by my experiences in Japan.
わたくしは日本にいる間の経験で反省しながらみんなさんの前に立っています。

I would like to extend my thanks to the Tara Board of Education for making my presence here possible.
わたくしは日本にいるのは太良町の教育委員会あってのものでありがたい気持ちがいっぱいです。

Even though I have a hard time saying 教育委員会, I love the people there.
教育委員会とは僕にとっていまでも発音しにくい言葉、でもその場所のみんなさんはいいひとばかりでした。特にみきえさんは何度も助けてくださいました。

I would like to thank the principal and the rest of the school staff for always treating me warmly.
校長先生と他の職員の皆さんはいつも温かい気持ちを感じさせて全員に「どうもありがとうございます」と伝えなければならないです。

I would especially like to thank the English teachers for everything they have done to make teaching interesting and fun.
特に英語の先生達が英語を教えることを楽しくしてくださって、ありがとうございました。

Somebody tell Ms. Seto and Ms. Imoto that I appreciated them when they were here.
そして、どなたか、Ms. Seto と　Ms. Imoto　にわたくしが彼女達に感謝していると伝えてくださいますか。

And of course, I want to thank those students who tried to speak to me, whether it was in English or Japanese.
最後にもちろん、英語でも日本語でも、わたくしと話してくだされた生徒達にもありがとございます。

I would like to share with you some things I've learned, and dispense a little advice.
わたくしがこの経験で学んだこととアドバイスに関して、みんなさんのお耳に入れたいことがあるのですけれども。

First, be brave! Being shy will only cause you to stagnate.
まず、勇気を持つこと！恥ずかしがることはよどまれることでしかないです。

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as the saying goes.
ことわざの通り、虎穴に入らずに虎子を得ずということです。

You have to try.
してみることをしなければ、ならないです。


No, more than that, you have to do things with all of your effort, as if your happiness depends upon it.
いいえ、それより、一心不乱に、つまり、まるで自分の幸せが懸かっているかのように、全てを行わなければならないとおもいます。

Too often have I seen children give up on English or themselves.
あまりにも頻繁にわたくしは、生徒達が英語、又は自分を諦めることを見てしまいました。

If you have no confidence, your life will be miserable.
自信がないと命は絶望になると思います。

If you don't make mistakes, you can never learn.
間違いをしないと、学ぶことが出来ないとおもいます。

If you think, "I don't understand English," you won't.
もし、あなたは「英語がわからん」などと思ったら、そういうことになる。

Speaking a foreign language will probably take you more effort than any other subject in school,
外来言語を慣れるのは、多分どんな科目より努力を要するけど、

but it is so fun once you understand even a little bit.
少しでも理解でければ、楽しいことになります。

If a fool like me can learn Japanese, you can learn English no problem.
もし、わたくしのようなバカが日本語を学ぶことが出来れば、あなた達は天才として、楽に英語を学ぶでしょう。

Before I came to Japan, I was under the impression that it was a super-advanced society where everyone was a computer genius or something.
来日前、わたくしは日本は超先進社会で全ての人はパソコン天才でもと思いました。

Well that's not true, but it doesn't reflect badly on you if it's not.
さ、超先進社会ではありませんが、そうでないことは悪いわけではありません。

Japan needs farmers and fishermen.
日本は農業者と漁師が必要です。

It needs people to do jobs that don't require genius.
天才が必要ない仕事はいっぱいです。

However, I think if you study hard, and not for the purpose of taking some entrance exam but for your own needs, your life will be enriched.
一方、そうして入試のためじゃなくてあなたの欲求を満たすためなら、よく勉強したら、あなたの人生は豊かなります。

Above that, in the future skills like using computers, communication, and English will become more and more important.
その上、未来にはパソコンやコミュニケーションや英語を出来ることがだんだん重要になるかもしれません。

Your country depends on you for the oncoming environmental, economic, and population crises.
我が国の環境、経済、ならびに人口減という危機はあなたにかかっています。

So you have to have a broad mind.
だから、広い心が必要であると思います。

You have to become more international, because let me tell you, as a foreigner I feel Japan has a long way to go.
もっと国際的になるべきです。なぜならば、わたくしは外国人として、言わせて頂きたいのは「日本にはまだ進める道が十分ある」と確信したから。

You have to stop seeing foreigners as criminals or items of curiosity to be stared at or weirdos, and start seeing them as your fellow human beings.
外国人は犯人なりやすいとかじろじろ見るべき変な見せ物などは止めて、同じ人間として見なければいけません。

These are not ominous warnings though; I feel your lives will be happier if you do these things.
これは、ただの注意だけでなく、もしそのことを直したら、あなたの人生はもっと楽しくなるとおもいます。

Each morning you have a choice: you can walk through the day like a zombie and put in the bare minimum effort, watch TV, zone out, and go to bed only to repeat the cycle the next day ad nazeum.
毎朝、選ぶことができます：あなたはゾンビのように考えずに歩いて、最小の力で働いて、テレビを見て、ボーッとして、寝て、そうして、次の日に、ワーンパターンを何度も繰り返すこと。

Or, you can choose to do your best each day.
それとも、毎日がんばろうと選ぶことができます。

I submit that if you don't do everything as perfectly as possible, you are not really living.
もし、全てに出来るだけ一生懸命しなければ本当に生きていないと考えます。

And if you aren't living, you'll grow old without having accomplished anything.
そうして生きていないと、何も出来ないままで老人になるかもしれません。

I hope someday that you can have ALTs in Tara again.
いつか、太良町にＡＬＴがまた出来るのを希望します。

I think they are an important tool for internationalization and lingual practice.
ＡＬＴがいれば、国際的になったり言語を練習したり出来ます。

But in any case, I cannot continue here.
でもどんな場合でも、わたくしは太良を去ります。

It makes me sad to go, but I want to keep testing myself, so I will move to Saitama and study Japanese.
去ることは悲しいと思いながら、わたくし自身を試さなければと考え、埼玉県に引っ越して日本語をもっと勉強するつもりです。

I hope you continue to learn throughout your lives and not just to get jobs or enter college.
わたくしがお願いしたいのは、君たちが大学や仕事を得るためだけじゃなくて、人生一生学ぶことを続けてください。

Japan's education system will have to change to compete, so you have to change with it and be ready for a different system for your children.
日本の教育システムは国際競争力を得るために変化するだろうと思います。君たちも変化して、そうしてあなたの未来の子ども達の新たなシステムのために準備をするべきでしょう。

Thank you for three interesting years in Tara.
では、三年間をともに過ごして頂いてありがとうございます。